Martin: Let me give you a piece of advice: less smut and more older-people shows.
Roz: Yeah, I know, Martin, but that's not exactly what they're going for.
Martin: Well, why not? You could have a show about owning dogs. Or, how about this, a show where people just call in with jokes they've heard. That'd be a riot.
Frasier: I think they're looking for a wider audience than just you, Dad.
Martin: Lots of people would be interested in that sort of thing.
Roz: Yeah, but the advertisers are looking for the young dollars.
Martin: What's wrong with my money?
Roz: You don't spend it all on fast food and beer.
Martin: Yes, I do!

Martin: You know, I'm tired of society blowing me off just because I'm a senior citizen. You know, one day we're
going to rise and take this country back from you young smart alecks. And it won't be pretty either.
Roz: I could mention the joke idea to my boss.
Martin: You just bought yourself a little more time.

Frasier: Now, Roz, if you took the time to get to know her, you'd see that she's really not such a bad person.
Roz: Like get to know her naked, you mean.
Frasier: No. I think she's been misjudged. Sure, she's got a lot of walls up, but there must be something good inside if it needs that much protection.
Roz: Well, there are walls around prisons, too.
Frasier: Yes, Roz, your opinion has been noted.
Roz: There are walls around insane asylums, cholera wards...
Frasier: Thank you, Roz.
Roz: ...nuclear facilities, gator farms.
Frasier: All right, shut up.

Niles: Should we really be plopping her in front of the tube?
Daphne: It's an educational tape. Did you want to read her more Jung for Jungsters?
Niles: She doesn't seem to respond to it. Perhaps that's a treat we'll save for our own child.

Niles: On the other hand, a grandmother can be a wonderful influence on a child.
[meanwhile:]
Gertrude: Alice, you help Auntie Gert find her cigarettes and you can have one.

Noel: I'm next. Sweetest Roz, you are my ship when I'm at sea, my fairest rose, my fantasy. With each sunrise my thanks I send, for you, my love, my true best friend.
Bulldog: Puke!
Noel: That was beautiful, you son of a b.

Bulldog: Okay, everybody, Bulldog to the rescue. Now, I don't want to say Roz has had a lot of sex, but she's spent more time on her back than King Tut. Did you hear the story about the guy at KACL who didn't have sex with Roz? Me neither. But, uh, seriously, what's the difference between Roz and a dog in heat? No, really, I'm asking. [uncomfortable silence] You people suck!
Frasier: It's not a roast, Bulldog.
Bulldog: It's not? I paid a guy at the Chuckle Factory 50 bucks to write jokes for me.
Gil: When's he getting here?

Bulldog: Okay, okay, you want a speech? Best of luck in your new job, Roz. If you ever need a sports guy, I'm your man. And I wouldn't have any problem with you being my boss. After all, I know what it feels like to be underneath you. Am I right?
Noel: [lunging at Bulldog] Watch what you say about her!

Frasier: Roz, I celebrate your new adventure with you, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that this is a big loss for me. You were there on my first day at KACL, and you took me under your wing.
Bulldog: It's crowded under there.
Noel: [whispering to Bulldog] I will kill you!

Roz: I'd really like to record some promos tonight if you're available.
Frasier: Oh, I can't. I'm taking Julia to the movies. One of my favorites, Noch Einen Stuhl.
Roz: Noch Einen Stuhl?
Frasier: Yes, it's the story of a 19th-century Austrian family as told from the point of view of an old fireside armchair.
Roz: I'm sorry, I dozed off, what were you saying?