Debra: Hey, no TV during homework.
Ray: Ha ha! I win! I win the bet! I win the- Ho ho, Mommy! That was hilarious, huh? All right! Yeah! That was funny.
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Oh, nothing. I bet that you would say, "Turn the TV off," and you did! So predictable! Whoa! Man, that was classic, right?
Debra: Wait, I don't understand. You bet that I'd be a responsible parent?

Marie: What's so funny?
Debra: Not Daddy.
Marie: What? No, I always thought that Raymond's sense of humor was wonderful.

Marie: Here, Raymond. I brought you this cake.
Robert: Half is for me and Amy.
Marie: Robby, I said I'd bring it over to you.
Robert: I'll supervise the cutting, thank you.

Ray: Hey, this is cool, this is cool. I'll bet half of Grandma's cake is still better than a whole one of Mommy's.
Debra: Excuse me?
Marie: Raymond, that's not nice to say out loud.
Ray: No. No, no, it's fine, Ma. We're just making funny bets, you know? Okay, so who wants to bet that Mommy's cake probably isn't as delightful as it should be?
Debra: Kids, you want to finish your homework upstairs, please?
Ray: Yeah okay, go upstairs. You wouldn't want a bedtime snack 'cause all we got is Mommy food.

Debra: Ray, what is your problem?
Robert: Yeah, what's going on?
Ray: I'll tell you what's going on. She bets the kids that I'll do stupid stuff.
Robert: Are the betting windows still open?

Marie: I don't understand. What are these bets?
Debra: They're just jokes. You know, like we bet whether Ray would notice my new haircut, which he didn't.
Marie: Well, maybe he was just being polite.

Marie: Hold it! I made cake. And before another cross word is said, why don't we just all sit down and have some? It's my world-famous chocolate-layer cake. [removes the cover] Oh, Frank! Look. You can see the imprint of his face.
Robert: [to Ray] That's your half.

Ray: Your bets are turning the kids against me.
Debra: What?! Ray, we're just having some fun.
Ray: No, you're poisoning their minds! Those kids, they used to think that I was Superman! I'd come home every night and they'd run up to me, "Yay! Daddy's home!" But now they don't, because you're home all day painting me to them as some big dumb doof!
Robert: Don't ever quit painting, Debra.

Robert: Hey, how about the imitation?
Marie: No.
Robert: Yes, do it!
Robert: Do the imitation, Ma.
Marie: No, no, no.
Robert: Come on! Do it!
Marie: Well, he had this way of bellowing at me. "Marie, food! Marie, drink! Marie, Maalox!"

Debra: Marie, why would you have such a personal discussion with your son?
Robert: And why didn't you ever have it with me?
Ray: And you're doing the same thing.
Debra: What? I-I just made a couple of bets.
Ray: Don't kid yourself, lady. Take a look in the mirror.