Marie: All right, listen, honey, listen. I understand. I completely understand why you're upset. But let me explain something. You see, this coffee machine has the coffee already made when you come down in the morning.
Ray: The toaster has your son's name, and the names of his family, your grandchildren and their love on it.
Marie: I'm sorry, dear. Well, you know what? Maybe we can put the names on the coffee machine.
Frank: What are you buying a toaster for anyway? Ours is still good.
Ray: No, it's not!
Marie: It is, dear. You just don't know how to use it. You've got to rattle it a little bit. And then you pull the toast up and turn it around and then do it on the other side.

Marie: I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say.
Ray: How about thank you? Yeah, thank you. That's what people say. I don't care if you need a toaster or think it's a waste of money. You take the gift and you say thank you. And you know why? Because it's from me! Me, me, Raymond! Your idiot son Raymond!

Frank: You let me do the talking.
Marie: Just tell the truth.
Frank: No, no, no. Where are you from? We walk out of here with the toaster and the coffee thing.
Marie: What? Just get Raymond's toaster!
Clerk: Next in line, please.
Frank: Shh!
Marie: Just don't say anything that-
Frank: Lock it up, Marie!

Marie: It's very nice. We just would like something else.
Frank: No!
Clerk: Was there something wrong with it?
Frank: We didn't even open it. [the clerk removes a used coffee filter from the machine] This is how you help?!
Marie: Lying was your idea.
Clerk: And why are we lying today?
Marie: My son brought us this coffee-maker, and he means well, but we would like to change it for something we can really use. You know, like a... I don't know, a toaster or something?
Clerk: That's fine. You can pick out a toaster over there.
Marie: Oh, thank you very much. Shalom.
Frank: We could have got both!

Ray: Who was that?
Debra: Ray, I think you'd better get down to Bloomingdale's. Apparently, your parents are involved in some sort of disturbance involving destruction of property and the possible theft of a toaster.
Ray: [smiles] They do care.