Debra: What's the matter with you, Robert? I mean, you're not one of those slimeballs who's only interested in scoring with chicks?
Robert: I could be.
Debra: No, you couldn't, or you wouldn't have waited two years for Amy to be ready. I just don't get you. You're in a committed relationship with someone who loves you, and you blew it. [walks off]
Ray: Honesty, don't believe the hype.

Robert: [on pay phone] Hello, Amy- [dials again] Look, Amy, don't hang up. I- [dials again] Amy, don't hang up. It's Robert. [dials again] Okay, listen, I screwed up. I don't know what I want to do. Could I just come over? Okay, I'll be right over. Thanks, Ma.

Ray: Oh, man, she really nailed you. Was she wearing a ring?
Robert: Our friendship ring.
Ray: Ironic.

Robert: Well, we did used to talk about having kids. And she's always stuck behind me, and, well, we do make each other happy. It's as if we're meant to be, isn't it?
Ray: Yeah, maybe, what do I know?
Robert: All right, Amy. That's it, yes, it's Amy. And you know what? We're gonna start fresh with a clean slate. I'm gonna tell her about Joanne and Stefania.
Ray: What?
Robert: Well, I don't want to have any secrets.
Frank: What, are you nuts? You never tell a woman anything. Even if they figure it out, you deny.
Robert: But Amy would want me to be honest.
Ray: Yeah, that's how they get you. You think that's what they want, and you cannot believe the yelling.
Frank: Yeah, is that what you want? 42 years of, "For God's sakes, close your robe!"

Ray: [mocking] "Hey that's what I'll do. I'll tell my girlfriend about my other girlfriends."
Frank: [mocking] "Yeah, that's a good idea. Honesty is the best policy."
Ray: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Robert: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look, look, look. You got three women after you, huh? Let me check over here. You got three women after you, huh, do you? Then who does? Oh, wait a minute. I believe that's me. I'll figure it out, gentlemen. And now adieu.

Debra: How's the meatloaf?
Ray: It's good. It's very good.
Amy: [enters with her leftovers] Your brother-in-law, your brother, he's a child. Do men ever stop being stupid?
Debra: No, they don't. [Debra notices Ray eyeing up Amy's pizza] And you might wanna hold onto your pizza.
Amy: I don't care.

Joanne: I'm sorry I'm late. One of my clients had a fender-bender. I had to go hold his hand.
Robert: Wow, insurance. It's like police work. You know, you're always on call, except they don't shoot at you.
Joanne: Only when they find out how little we pay. [Robert emits a nervous, high-pitched chuckle] Bobby, relax. It's just me.
Robert: I know. It's weird. You know, it's like I know you, but like I don't know you.
Joanne: [holds Robert's hand] I'm so glad you wanted to have dinner tonight. I think we've both been thinking the same thing.
Robert: I think maybe we have.
Joanne: Robert, you know how I am. I see what I want, and I go for it. And what I want is you.
Robert: You know, when we were talking on the phone, I was getting that same vibe.
Joanne: Well, you know, Bobby, I'm no Snow White. I've had my share of dates and insurance conventions. Truth you were my best.
Robert: Well, thank you. Right back at ya.

Robert: So hey, you wanna go to the movies later?
Joanne: What?
Robert: Oh, I know. Miniature golf. I know this great course that looks over Long Island Sound. [Joanne chuckles] What, what? What's so funny?
Joanne: You. I forgot how funny you could be. Miniature golf. What I'm interested in, Bobby, doesn't have anything miniature about it.
Robert: But regular golf takes so long.
Joanne: I don't want any of that other stuff, Bobby. There's only one thing I want from you. [Robert jumps up] I didn't mean to startle you. That's just my foot.
Robert: Oh oh, your foot. Well, you know, it's this dive. You know, you never know what's crawling around. [again] Yeah, a pony!

Joanne: Do you understand what I'm saying?
Robert: I think your foot speaks for itself, yes. But wouldn't you like something more?
Joanne: Like what?
Robert: A relationship.
Joanne: A pizza and hot sex? Most guys would consider that the perfect relationship.
Robert: I'm not saying that's bad. I just thought it might be part of a bigger arrangement.
Joanne: Like our marriage? We tried that.
Robert: Well, okay, I know, but let me tell you something, I'm not one of those guys who's only interested in scoring with chicks.

Joanne: Oh, come on. Let's just have some fun. I saw that vanilla pudding you were dating... Emily.
Robert: Amy.
Joanne: Amy. You can't tell me she did anything for you.
Robert: Well, now that is none of your- [jumps up] Stop it. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Joanne: Are you serious?
Robert: Yes, I am serious. Now kindly remove your foot.
Joanne: Fine. Okay, then. Good luck to you.
Robert: Well, well, wait. What? What's that? You're leaving?
Joanne: I have nothing to say to you unless you need insurance.
Robert: Then okay to you! That's right, and let me tell you something else, Robert Barone is not available for a booty call! [to the onlookers] You heard me.