Frank: I know one thing: kids love this card crap. When you were a kid, you were all loopy about Batman cards. You loved 'em, and our old picnic table was wobbly, and I took a bunch of those cards and stuck 'em under the leg.
Ray: I remember that. They got destroyed in the rain.
Robert: You're not gonna cry, are you, Raymond?
Frank: No, that's the thing. He didn't cry. He just looked betrayed. It tore my heart out. I- I I can't forget that look. Stop it!
Ray: What?
Frank: That look. There it is! Stop it!
Ray: I'm not doing anything!
Frank: Don't lie. It's subtle but it's there. Hey, I'm sorry about your cards already. It's the one thing I did wrong.
Robert: The one thing? How about when I was 10 and you backed your car over my big toe?
Frank: Doesn't ring a bell.

Marie: What kind of cards?
Ray: Nothing, Ma. Just this Korean thing the kids are into now.
Marie: Oh, Hackidu. What card did she have?
Ray: I don't know. Scrami-something or other.
Marie: A Scramisaur?
Debra: You know about this stuff?
Marie: A little. Scramisaur is the fastest creature on Hackidu mountain. He starts off as a Slugowog, very slow. And he can only evolve into a Scramisaur if he gets the sonic crystal. That's why Scramisaurs are rare and valuable. [off everyone's confusion] I'm Grandma. I have this and candy.

Debra: No, Frank, Bill Parker's not like that. Where you going?
Ray: I got a little unfinished business with your boyfriend.
Marie: Boyfriend?
Robert: Well, this could explain why all the kids are blond.
Debra: And smart.

Robert: Well, wait a minute, Mom. How valuable is this Scramisaur card?
Marie: Oh, you can't find 'em in the stores. Believe me, I looked. But if you find one mint condition, no creases, that's $65.
Ray: $65?
Frank: Holy crap! This is the work of the North Koreans.

Marie: You had a Scramisaur, and you lost it?
Debra: Yep. What do you know, Ray? Ally knew what she was doing all along.
Frank: Or Parker did.
Ray: What?
Frank: You, sir, are a numbskull.
Robert: Numbskullawog.
Ray: Now wait a minute. Parker, he- Parker didn't know. He was just trying to show me what a great dad he is.
Frank: He took you for a ride, Satchmo.
Ray: Come on.
Frank: Hey, wake up. You think this is just Hackidu cards? You think it's about Daddy and setting a nice example for a little boy? This is business. This is 65 bucks. Pull your head out of your pants.

Ray: Listen, I want to talk to you. Come over here. I know I know you want that Scramisaur. But there are some people out there and all they want to do is get rich. So they make kids think that things are more valuable than they really are. Things like pieces of paper with pictures on 'em.
Ally: You mean like money?
Ray: No, no, no. No, money is important pieces of paper with pictures on it. Look, what Daddy doesn't like about the Hackidu people is that they've made you believe that this Scramisaur thing is worth $65.
Ally: $65?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, that's why you wanted it, right?
Ally: No.
Ray: Well, why'd you trade all your cards for it?
Ally: 'Cause Scramisaur's my favorite. I love him.
Ray: What do you mean you love him? That's the only reason you wanted it?
Ally: Yeah. [Ray sighs] It's okay, Daddy. [Ally puts her arm around Ray]

Russell: How old is your daughter?
Ray: 7.
Russell: 7. I'll tell you what she needs. Are you familiar with "Little Lotta"? You see, Lotta is a little girl with a bow on her head and although she's morbidly obese, she still finds happiness.
Ray: Do you have a partner? 'Cause maybe I could talk to him about this.
Russell: Don't you get it, you Long Island suburban automaton? You can't hear the truth over your lawnmower, man!

Ray: Hey, how much longer we gotta help out with this thing?
Debra: Ray, all the parents have to do their time. Come on, you don't see Bill Parker complaining.
Ray: Oh, Bill Parker. Mr. Look-At-Me-I'm-King-of-the-Carnival.
Debra: Oh, come on. He's doing it for the school. He's a good father.
Ray: Oh, what, he's a better father than me? Is that what you're saying? I'm not a good father?
Debra: Wanna be a good father? Go help out in the childcare room.
Ray: I'll go. They got a TV in there?

Ray: I'll be back to check on those, and they better be spot-free, okay? This isn't like home, where I let that stuff slide. [Debra sprays Ray with the cleaning fluid] Hey hey! Come on! My ankles. You wet my ankles. What's wrong with you? That's toxic, that stuff. That sinks right through the socks and into the skin.

Marie: Frank, I'm sick of this. Go clean your whiskers out of the sink.
Frank: After you.