Celia: Just takes a little practice. Come on. Let's keep going.
Ray: Yeah, let's.
Celia: All my friends are going to the park, but I have to go to some boring party?
Ray: You think that the party's gonna be boring?
Celia: That's it, Ray. See, you're reflecting her feelings back. Yes, it's just a bunch of grownups sitting around an old house. I want to be with my friends!
Ray: But Grandma has that big bowl of Coffee Nips.

Ray: Mommy said you gotta go.
Celia: Leave Mommy out of it.
Debra: Thank you.
Ray: You better get up or...
Debra: Or what?
Ray: Or no more TV.
Debra: No, Ray.
Ray: Okay. Or you're going to boarding school.
Celia: Do you always threaten?
Ray: No. No, sometimes she yells.

Ray: What are you doing?
Debra: We've got homework to do.
Ray: No. No. I'm not doing any stinking homework.
Debra: You are the reason we got the homework.
Ray: Well, you're the brownnose that had to ask a question.

Debra: But in the future, little Ray, if you feel that you have too much to do, you just tell me and I'll try to make things more even. So how about that driveway?
Ray: I'm too tired right now. I win.
Debra: Ray, this isn't about winning or losing.
Ray: Oh, boy, you know who always says that? The loser.

Debra: [sobbing] It's not that. It's just that when we got home tonight, I tried this stuff on Ally and it didn't work on her, and it's not working on you, either. It's just not working.
Ray: Come on. Don't worry. It'll be okay. It's all right.
Debra: I'm flunking the class, Ray!
Ray: You're flunking? Listen, don't worry about the class. I told you we didn't need a class. The answer to how to stop plum throwing is not in a workbook. This is a seat-of-the-pants operation here.
Debra: Well, what are we gonna do? How are we gonna get Ally to behave?
Ray: The crying is pretty good.

Ray: Yeah, evidently, Dad isn't hearing "thank you."
Marie: He wants "thank you"? This isn't "thank you"?
Ray: I guess Mom's saying: "Actions speak louder than words."
Marie: That's very good, Raymond.
Ray: But sometimes we need to hear the words.
Frank: Yeah. I need words.
Marie: And I don't need words?
Frank: I'm sorry the check got stuck to the Chubby Hubby.
Marie: You never said that before.
Robert: No one's ever said that before.

Marie: How is it, chi-chi?
Frank: Hmm. Chi-chi like.
Robert: [to Raymond, who's left] What did you do?

Debra: This is Michael's giraffe. He's crying. Now why did you do this?
Ally: 'Cause.
Debra: "'Cause" is not an answer.
Ray: Active listening.
Debra: Ray, that doesn't work.
Ray: It works. I just used it on the worst kids in the neighborhood.

Ray: What? What's the matter?
Debra: Nothing with you, obviously.
Ray: Oh, don't go by me. I'm a natural. Don't worry. You'll get it.
Debra: [gags] Oh, don't act so proud of yourself. If I hadn't dragged you to that stupid class you'd still be standing there going, "Hey, no TV."
Ray: You're feeling inadequate 'cause I mastered it before you.
Debra: Oh, don't give me that active listening crap. Where do you get off listening to me?
Ray: Never happen again.

Ray: It's chickens eating chickens. That's why it's funny.