Ray: Ma, what is this story?
Robert: Mom, Dad, happy anniversary. Amy and I have prepared a few remarks.
Ray: Come with me, both of you.
Marie: No. Your brother's talking.
Robert: Webster's Unabridged Dictionary defines wedlock as...
Ray: Just keep toasting. I'll have them back in a minute.
Robert: The toast is for them.
Amy: So is the cake.

Ray: Did you know Mom and Dad were separated?
Robert: Again?
Ray: Wait, you knew? Where the hell was I that year?
Marie: You were watching television.
Robert: Yeah, Wild Wild West.

Robert: Wait a minute. What about the main food?
Ray: Pizza?
Robert: No. I had pizza last night. Chinese?
Ray: No, no. Dad always imitates the delivery guy.
Robert: I got it! I got it. Six-foot hero!
Ray: Six-foot hero!
Robert: It goes with the chips.
Ray: That's good! We get the chips, sandwich. We get some ice cream.

Debra: Come here. Sign your parents' anniversary card.
Ray: Oh, look, a girl puppy nuzzling a boy puppy. Hmm. Well, you've captured them. "No bones about it, doggone it, we love you!" I'm sorry. I can't sign that.
Debra: Well, I have an idea. Why don't we send them the card you bought them?
Ray: Now I get it. I get it now. "Doggone it," 'cause there's dogs on it. Very clever. I didn't see it at first. I see it now.

Ray: Wait a minute. 40th anniversary?
Debra: Yep.
Ray: Wow. That's a big one. Are we doing anything?
Debra: What do you mean, "Are we doing anything?"
Ray: I mean, 40 years. ls there gonna be a party or something?
Debra: "ls there gonna be a party?"
Ray: You know...
Debra: Yeah, I know, that kind of instant party where the earth just splits open and dancing girls fly out with cupcakes.

Debra: You're such an idiot.
Ray: What? What?
Debra: You're saying I should throw a party for your parents.
Ray: I didn't say that.
Debra: Why don't you throw them a party?
Ray: Why me?
Debra: I mean, they're your parents.
Ray: Is it so important whose parents they are?
Debra: Yes!
Ray: I'm just saying, someone ought to and parties are your department. You're so... festive.

Robert: Hey.
Debra: Hey, Robert.
Robert: Here's the ointment I borrowed. I don't know what happened to the applicator.
Debra: You know what? Keep it.

Robert: Wait a minute. Six-foot hero. Now, that's a lot of food. I mean, who do we invite?
Ray: You gotta figure a foot a person.
Robert: Right. Okay. I can invite my girlfriend Amy, a couple of guys from the station.
Ray: I can get Kevin and Andy-
Debra: Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! This is your idea of a party?
Ray: Didn't you hear? Six-foot hero.
Debra: Here.
Ray: "Stan, Lee, Albert, Lucy." What- What's this?
Debra: This is a real guest list for a party.
Robert: Lee and Stan? That's a party?
Debra: This is not for you! This is for your parents! You invite their friends. And you're not having a hero sandwich. It's not a Super Bowl party.
Robert: Not with Lee and Stan it's not.
Debra: All right. Know what we'll do? We're going to make it a surprise party. We'll have a nice buffet, some crudites, pasta salad--
Ray: I thought you didn't wanna do it.
Debra: Well, I have to now because I can't let this chip fest happen.

Marie: After your father left, we didn't talk for a long time and I thought it was over.
Debra: But then you realized you made a big mistake and you got back together, right?
Frank: No. Ray broke his arm.
Ray: Wait a minute. Dad was there when I broke my arm.
[voiceovers as Ray and Debra appear as young Frank and Marie:]
Frank: Yeah, I started coming by to check on you.
Robert: Yeah, you were very concerned about Raymond.
Marie: He was very sweet with you, Raymond.
Frank: His arm was busted.
Marie: Everything kind of worked out from there.

Debra: Ray, what, you don't think we're happy?
Ray: Yeah, sure, now we're happy. It's easy to be happy now.
Debra: But you're thinking, like, what, in 20 years.
Ray: Who knows? My parents must have been happy once. If you look at their wedding pictures, they're actually smiling. In some of them.
Debra: Ray! We don't have to become them.
Ray: They didn't want to become them! Nobody wants to become them! It just happens!
Debra: Nobody else can become them. This happened to them because they're them!
Ray: No! It happened because they settled. Look, they got back together because of my arm. And by the time it healed, they forgot they were never supposed to be together. Now they're stuck. Till death do they part.