Marie: Listen, I need to talk to Debra.
Ray: Oh, yeah. Well, now's a bad time, so maybe tomorrow.
Marie: No no, Raymond, listen. I saw that talk show today with the four ladies...
Ray: Yeah?
Marie: And they had this relationship doctor on who said, "Every time you leave a family member, you must treat that person as if you'll never see them again."
Ray: I love you, Mom. Good bye.
Marie: No, no, no, no. That got me thinking about Debra, and then there was this commercial about household bacteria, and that really got me thinking about her. And then I said to myself, "This can't be just coincidental." No, I have to apologize right now, Raymond.

Frank: Oh, I know what he was doing. The action is always better when there's a little fire in the furnace, right, Ray?
Ray: No! No. That is so wrong. Crazy old man!
Frank: Come on! Why do you think I give this one such a hard time? When she's steamed up, everything's better. I'll tell you, the angry sex is good. But what I really love is the angry steak pizzaiola.
Marie: You're a pig!
Frank: Good! Use that for the lasagna tonight.
Robert: Look, Debra, this I told him, Ma. You must always be sensitive to your wife's emotions.
Frank: You, my boy are a girl.

Debra: So Marie, you came over to apologize last night?
Marie: I did, and I learned from the four ladies that nothing is worth fighting over this way. And you're right. If I have something to say, I should just come out with it or keep my mouth shut.
Frank: Your mouth? That's like trying to hold back a- [chokes] I'm sorry, I was eating. Set me up again.

Debra: I can't sleep! I'm seething! She actually has me seething!
Ray: You know what? You shouldn't let her ruin your evening. And probably the best way to get even with her is to just just do what you had planned, you know? I mean, for instance, if you were gonna watch TV, then just watch TV. Or if you were gonna do something, I don't know, interactive.
Debra: What? Are you trying' to have sex now?
Ray: No, no, no. I'm just brainstorming.
Debra: Yeah. Forget it. Your mother's ruined the whole night, just like she's ruined every other night! [tries to read a book] Oh, what the hell! [kisses Ray]

Marie: How's Debra feeling?
Ray: Oh, yeah. No, still sick, yeah. I think it's, like, a three-day thing she's got. You know, this is the beginning of day two, so maybe we'll see you on day four.
Marie: Well, she must be very sick, because she can't even pick up her phone to thank me for apologizing.
Ray: What?
Marie: Well, you told her I was apologizing last night, didn't you?
Ray: Of course, yeah. Yes. It's just she's so sick, she fell asleep right after I told her.
Debra: Oh, is she that sick?
Ray: Yeah.
Marie: Maybe I should check on her. Where is she?
Ray: No, no, no, no, Ma. You shouldn't go, because you're susceptible. You know what they say children and the elderly, it just it affects them more. And we have to face facts you are getting a little elderly.

Marie: Oh, Debra, I'd like to take the boys to that Happy Zone tomorrow, if that's okay with you.
Debra: Oh, that would be great. Thank you, Marie.
Marie: It's my pleasure, dear. And while we're out, I'll just get them haircuts. Okay, bye.
Debra: No, wait! Marie, they don't need haircuts.
Marie: Oh, but they do. Oh, maybe you haven't noticed, but the boys look a little slovenly lately.
Debra: Excuse me?
Ray: Oh, no.
Debra: What are you saying, Marie? That my kids look like hobos? Is that what you're saying?
Marie: Heavens no! Hobos have beards.

Ray: All right. You wouldn't talk to me this morning, you wouldn't talk to me this afternoon. And you wouldn't talk to me tonight, but there's something I want to get off my chest. And it doesn't matter if you wanna hear it or not, because I am gonna say it. Yes, I may have used your anger in a pleasurable way, but that pleasure was not just my own! Huh? So if I used you, you used me right back, lady! Admit it. It was like therapy for you. You used me like I was your therapist! Your physical therapist! So before you judge me, you look yourself in the mirror without the makeup on! That's right! And you ask yourself, "Isn't this what marriage is? The mutual using of each other"! I think so! And let me tell you, we will get past this unpleasantness as a couple if you will let me sleep here tomorrow.

Robert: What are you doing?
Ray: You gotta go. Everybody's going, man. So just get out.
Robert: What's the hurry?
Ray: I'm gonna have sex.
Robert: Since when?
Ray: All the pieces are in place the kids are at a sleepover, Debra had a glass and a half of wine, and this morning I saw her shaving her legs.
Robert: I can't even have a drink?
Ray: Come on. Don't you get it? I'm dealing with a very delicate mood here. It's like a juggler on a tightrope. The slightest vibration on that wire dead juggler. So, no, you're not blowing this for me, man. Get out.
Robert: I hope I'm having sex one day when you need a drink.

Ray: Oh, that's nice, Ma, but what can I do? She's... She's sleeping. She's actually sick.
Debra: She's sick?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what they say: "You don't wake the sick unless you forgot to take the thermometer out." So, you should maybe you should just go now.

Marie: And, Raymond, please tell her that I want to talk to her, and apologize like that TV show with the ladies.
Ray: Okay. All right. I will, Mom.
Marie: Oh, and, Raymond, you have to be careful about thermometers, especially the old-fashioned kind.
Ray: I know. I know, Ma.
Marie: We had this problem with Robbie because he has a big bottom...
Ray: Okay, I know. Bye.