Ray: Hey, Mom and Dad, I think I know what I'm gonna get you for Christmas.
Frank: Better not be a pet. I hate people who give pets.
Ray: Yeah, yeah, we know, Dad.
Frank: Giving a pet means "You're old, I find you boring. Talk to a bird."

Frank: What did you do? Try to soften her up with a big present so you could go play golf?
Ray: For your information, Dad, it's a little more complicated than that.
Frank: You're an idiot. Give me that chocolate. Sit down. Let me tell you something about women. You think you've got to butter them up to get what you want. That is a poor man's game. "Oh, sweetums, here's some flowers. Can I go to the lodge?" Not for me. Not for me! I don't do that nice crap.
Robert: So how do you get what you want?
Frank: I've learned to do without.

Debra: You just look kind of sexy.
Ray: What?
Debra: You know, with the sweeper, and...
Ray: Sweeper? That's what does it for you?
Debra: No, but just watching you play with the kids this morning and then wearing these silly boxers that they gave you. I don't know, just the fact that you're my husband, you take care of us and the whole picture. Sweeping just put it over the top. [they kiss]
Ray: What are you doing to me here? What? You're killing me!
Debra: I wanted to let you know how I was feeling.
Ray: Well, you can't kiss me like that. It's Christmas. Ally's up. My parents are coming over now.
Debra: I'm sorry.
Ray: You've activated the launch sequence now. What?
Marie: [enters] Merry Christmas!
[As Frank, Marie and Robert enter the living room, Ray grabs a Christmas wreath and holds it in front of his crotch]
Robert: Nice. We usually hang ours on the door.

Ray: Not the flannel pajamas.
Debra: What?
Ray: What the- When you come to bed wearing that silky thing I know I have a chance, but flannel pajamas. You might as well be wearing a porcupine suit.

Ray: How about tomorrow?
Debra: No, tomorrow's no good. I'll be Christmas shopping all day. I'm gonna be exhausted. What about Monday?
Ray: No, no, Monday is no good. I'm interviewing Parcells after the Jets-Raiders.
Debra: Well, Ray, when do you want to make this appointment?
Ray: Well, I'm not the one who cancelled the last two appointments.
Ally: Daddy, what's an appointment?
Ray: Well, an appointment is when two people decide to meet.
Debra: Like going to the dentist.
Ally: Oh.
Ray: So sleeping with me is like going to the dentist?
Debra: You both say the same thing: "Sit back, relax, you won't feel a thing."