Chris Quote #235
Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Substitute
Mr. Newton: You think I'm sitting here because of making B-minuses?
Chris: No, I think you're sitting here because my real teacher is gone.
Mr. Newton: You getting smart?
Chris: Is that a trick question? [Mr. Newton reaches into his satchel]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He's got a gun.
Mr. Newton: My resume.
Chris: Harvard, Stanford, Oxford.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mumford.
Chris: So if you're so smart, why are you still substitute teaching?
Mr. Newton: Because, every now and then, I need someone who needs me. And, Chris, that someone is you. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to get some brains into that head of yours.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I'm going to put a brick upside that head of yours.
Mr. Newton: You keep that resume as a reminder.
Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
‘Everybody Hates the Substitute’ Quotes
Quote from Ms. Morello
Ms. Morello: Chris, I love your shirt. What does it stand for?
Chris: B-.
Ms. Morello: Oh! B-. I love that Black street slang. So what else did I miss around here?
Greg: Well, we were supposed to have a practice test on the statewide exam today.
Ms. Morello: Oh, forget about that test. I want to show you the gifts I brought back.
Greg: Gifts?
Ms. Morello: For you, I brought back a shield and a spear.
Chris: What did you get me? What is that?
Ms. Morello: It's a bone. For your nose, silly. By the way, do you know a guy named Induku?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Actually, I did, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.
Quote from Ms. Morello
Chris: Ms. Morello?
Ms. Morello: Oh, Chris, you're still here. I was so afraid the system would have brought you down by now.
Greg: We thought you were in Africa.
Ms. Morello: I was, but there was a civil war.
Greg: A war?
Ms. Morello: Fortunately, they found a way for all the White people to get out.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Same thing happened in New Orleans.
Quote from Mr. Omar
Mr. Omar: [on the phone] He fell down the elevator shaft? Tragic.
Julius: Excuse me, Mr. Omar.
Mr. Omar: Hold on, Mr. Julius.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oh, he wanted to hold on, all right.
[fantasy: Julius is strangling Mr. Omar with the telephone cord:]
Julius: Oh, I'm holding on now. Now, who you gonna call?
Mr. Omar: Let go. Tragic. Tragic.
[reality:]
Julius: I need to make a call.
Mr. Omar: I'm almost off.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He better be, because it's almost on.
Mr. Omar: [chuckles] That's what he here for.