Woody: You know, I plan on leavin' somethin' behind for the world to remember me by.
Norm: Yeah?
Woody: And here it is. [pours a cocktail]
Norm: It's a glass of Windex, Woody.
Woody: No, it's a drink. And Woody Boyd is going to become the next Jim Sheehan.
Norm: Who?
Woody: Certainly you've heard of the inventor of the Fish House Punch?
Norm: I can't say we have, Wood, but then again, we don't get out that much, you know?
Woody: Well, I'm callin' mine the Blue Boyd of Happiness.

Woody: Hey, Sam, you want to try my new drink?
Sam: Woody, I can't touch that stuff. I'm an alcoholic.
Woody: You are?
Sam: Oh, I I'm sorry. I- I thought you knew. Yeah, I drank myself out of baseball and out of a marriage.
Woody: Gee, that's hard to believe.
Sam: Well, it's true. Right, gang?
Carla: Yeah.
Norm: Guy had a face full of booze.
Woody: No, no, no, I believe you were a drunk, Sam. I just didn't know you'd been married.

Carla: Mmm, pretty good Blue Moon.
Woody: You mean it's already a drink?
Sam: Aw, don't feel disappointed there, Woody. Every combination in the world's been done to death by now. You couldn't possibly invent anything new.
Diane: [phone rings] [answers phone] Hello, Cheers.
Carla: Hey, Woody, gin and tonic.
Woody: Oh, uh, somebody's already invented that.
Carla: No, you horseshoe, I'm ordering one.

Sam: Diane, I can get a reservation in any restaurant I want. The name "Sam Malone" still carries a little clout in this town.
Norm: Right.
Cliff: Hey, hey, hey.
Diane: Very well, Sam. Let's give it a try. Allow me to call The Cafe.
Sam: Well, now, li- lis- I'm not even sure I want to go there.
Diane: Afraid, Sam?
Sam: They have not built the restaurant that can scare me. Come on.
Diane: [on the phone] Um, yes, hold on, please.
Sam: [takes the phone] Um, hello, uh, I'd like to make a reservation, please. Nothing tonight? Well, this happens to be Sam "Mayday" Malone, formerly of the Red Sox. Well, yeah, that'll be fine. Well, let's say 8 o'clock. Thank you very much. [hangs up]
Cliff: Hey, all right, Sammy. You got it, huh?
Sam: Sure did.
Diane: When, next March?
Sam: No, next February.
Diane: Well done, Sam.

Sam: Well, I certainly hope Diane had a big lunch. [on the phone] Hi, I'd like to, uh, cancel a reservation for tonight, please. The name is Brundage. Party of two. Yes, that Brundage. Thank you. [hangs up]
Norm: Uh-uh, uh-uh, Sammy. Canceling Diane's reservation?
Cliff: Ooh, heart of stone.
Carla: I love it.
Sam: [on the phone] Yeah, hi, this is, uh, Sam Malone again. I'm just wondering if you might've had a surprise cancellation for tonight. What do you mean, you don't? You must have. I just- No, no, n-never mind, never mind. [hangs up]

Darlene: Boy, you pulled it off.
Sam: Mm.
Darlene: That's pretty smart.
Sam: Yeah, well, of course I'm smart. I'm a doctor.
Darlene: [laughs] Oh! Right.

Woody: All right, whiskey, vermouth, bitters. That's a Paddy Cocktail. Gin, vermouth, grapefruit juice. That's a Palm Beach. Oh, wait a minute. How about gin, vermouth and black coffee?
Norm: That's paint remover.

Waiter: Your change, Dr. Weinstein.
Sam: Ah, thank you very much. Whew, boy, remember the good old days when you could spend $200 for a meal and then still have enough change to buy a mint patty? [to the waiter as he leaves] Ah, Paul, memorable. [sees Diane asleep] Aw, gee.
Maitre D': [claps in Diane's face] [Diane screams out] Madam, we've had our last seating. I'm afraid we won't be able to accommodate you this evening.
Sam: Oh, Paul, uh could I speak to you for a minute? [to Darlene] I'll meet you outside. Listen, it, it would be a great personal favor to me, Dr. Julian Weinstein - in fact, to the entire Weinstein family, and pretty much to doctors all over the world - if if you could, uh, make sure she gets some food.
Maitre D': Well, uh, if you'll agree to honor us with your presence again, Dr. Weinstein, I'll see to it personally.
Sam: Well, I appreciate that. Enjoy, Diane.

Sam: Hi.
Diane: What are you doing here?
Sam: Well, I'm still hungry, actually.
Diane: What happened to, uh, Darlene?
Sam: Oh, I put her in a cab and sent her home.
Diane: Well, you don't have to do me any favors.
Sam: No, I'm not doing you any favors. l- l'm really hungry. May l, uh, join you?
Diane: I don't care what you do.
Sam: Well, thank you.
Diane: Thank you, Sam.
Sam: You're welcome.

Maitre D': Doctor.
Sam: Ah, Paul.
Maitre D': Can I get you anything else?
Sam: Uh, what do you have?
Maitre D': Anything for you, Dr. Weinstein.
Sam: Ah, well... You know, I just can't make up my mind. Why don't you have my dear friend Claude mix me up something special?
Maitre D': Very good.
Diane: I really do appreciate your coming back, Sam. It was sweet.
Sam: No, no, it's not sweet. I- I did it for myself. I was feeling guilty out there, and I don't like to feel guilty.
Diane: Well, that's sweet in itself.
Sam: Well, we'll see how sweet you think it is when I have you pay for your own meal.