Woody: Boy, this bachelor party should be keen.
Sam: "Keen"? [laughs] Hey, I don't know about Indiana, but around here when guys get together to send another guy off to his doom, things can get a little raunchy, you hear me? [Norm laughs]
Woody: You fellas ever dress up farm animals in women's clothing?
Sam: No.
Woody: Well, then I'm one up on you.

Frasier: Sam, you know, you've been uncharacteristically mute. I mean, surely you have some opinion on this.
Sam: No, no, do it, man. I think you should walk off together into the sunset, you know? Live happily ever after.
Frasier: "Translation: Frasier Crane, you're a complete fool if you get married."
Sam: I did not say that.
Frasier: Now, listen, Sam, I know exactly what you're thinking. I mean, every fiber of your body speaks it. You live it every day. Give me one good reason why the single life is better than being married.
Sam: Okay, uh... Well, let's see. When I get home, I don't have to explain to anybody, uh, where I've been or what I've been doing. If I was out having a good time, I don't have to call home to see if I can stay later.
Hugh: Oh, that reminds me. [rushes to the pay phone]
Sam: There, right there. There you go. See, that's what you're losing, man. Your freedom. You know, I can eat doughnuts for dinner if I want to. Nobody nags me to put down the toilet seat. I am the king of my own remote control. I can date anybody I want to, and if somebody better turns up - and somebody always does, bless their hearts - then I can date them the very next night. You know, I don't have to worry about forgetting an anniversary, no mother-in-laws, no father-in-laws, no laws, period.
Frasier: I only asked for one reason.

Frasier: Cliff, in light of my recent decision, I now take offense at your remarks about Lilith. In short, I'm going to kick your sorry butt.
Cliff: Ah, now, come on, Doc, just cool down, will you? It was just a joke.
Frasier: Oh, you mean like that costume you wear every day?
Guys: Whoa!
Cliff: All right, put up your dukes, Dr. Cream Puff.
Norm: Okay, now we got a party, eh? [men laugh and agree]
Cliff: All right, all right, uh, before we start, let's just, uh, set a few ground rules, all right? Uh, no punching in the face because that can cause severe brain damage.
Frasier: Oh, oh, all right, uh, just one other thing. Uh, no hitting below the belt. I'm about to be married.
Cliff: Uh, all right, all right, fair enough, fair enough.
[later, the crowd has thinned out as Cliff and Frasier sit at a table together:]
Cliff: All right, well, no hitting in the, uh, right shoulder, though. That's my bag shoulder, all right?
Frasier: What about the, um, upper thigh area?
Cliff: Uh... Oh, no, I think we covered that on page five over here. Yeah.
Frasier: Well, then, where does that leave us?
Cliff: I don't know; it's leaving me with writer's cramp, I'll tell you.
Frasier: Well, let that be a lesson to you.

Rebecca: Come in.
Carla: [babies crying] Mind if I use your office?
Rebecca: Again?
Carla: Hey, you think I like having to do this? You know how hard it is to breast-feed twins? I haven't had my bra off and on this much since junior high. Hey. Maybe you could help.
Rebecca: What do you mean "help"?
Carla: Well, you got a decent set of ducts. Maybe I could use you as a decoy. You see? While I'm pumping one kid, the other one's attached to you.
Rebecca: Are you serious?
Carla: Sure! It'll shut 'em up. So they won't get milk. Life is hard.

Sam: What are you doing for a bachelor party?
Frasier: Oh, actually, I haven't any plans.
Sam: Well, would you like to have one tonight?
Frasier: Well, what do you think, darling? Uh, would I like a bachelor party?
Lilith: Well, while I feel that particular ritual is as pass as taking the topknot of one's dead enemy, I will not deprive you of the experience. Immature though it might be.
Frasier: She's a gamer! Oh! We're on! Fellas, stag party tonight.

Carla: You know, uh, being maid of honor means you have to throw Brunehilda a bridal shower.
Rebecca: Oh, right. I guess I should do something. What kind of shower do you think? Kitchen? Linen?
Carla: Look at who she's hitching up with. Better make it marital aids.

Frasier: Well, gents, my last night of freedom.
Norm: Yep.
Frasier: One last chance to loosen the old noose, so to speak. Really have some fun while I still can. [guys laugh]
Sam: Do I hear the pitter-patter of cold feet?
Frasier: No! No! Not at all. I mean, as long as I'm in love with this woman and she has my dear old mother tied up in the cellar, I'm gonna go through with it. [laughter]
Lilith: Darling, could I speak with you a moment?
Frasier: Excuse me. The ball and chain.
Lilith: Frasier, do you realize that is the fourth derogatory remark about marriage you've made this evening?
Frasier: Oh, come on, my angel. I mean, they're they're jokes. I mean, everybody knows my mother is dead. That's what makes it funny.

Frasier: Gentlemen! [all shout greetings] You know, l, I was listening to a rock and roll station on my way over here, and you know, to put me in the mood. There was a passage in one of those tribal songs that I feel, uh well, is the keynote for this evening. "Everybody have fun tonight." "Everybody Wang Chung tonight." [all shouting]
Cliff: Yeah, I think we got a madman on our hands here.
Frasier: I had a nap. [all laugh] You know, gentlemen I- I can't tell you how touched I am that you all, to a man, came back for my party.
Sam: We never left.
Frasier: Boy, this is gonna be some night. Oh, a real guy night.
Norm: Yeah!
Frasier: Check your X chromosome at the door.

Frasier: Karen!
Karen: Dr. Crane!
Sam: You know each other?
Frasier: She's one of my patients. Karen, I hope you're doing this for the money, because this certainly won't square things between you and your father.

Frasier: You know, I've never revealed this to anybody, but when Diane left me at the altar, I well, there was a tiny voice that kept saying, "You're off the hook, you're off the hook."
Norm: Yeah, the only voice I heard was Vera's just yapping and yapping.
Randy: You ever notice it's always the women who want to get married?
Norm: Yapping and yapping.
Frasier: Well, you know, when I think of all the unhappy people whom I've counseled over the years, whose lives have been scarred and destroyed by marriages badly cast, I could write a book. I have written a book.