Frasier: A hearty heigh-ho, everyone.
Sam: Hey, Frasier. What's with the bird there?
Frasier: Oh, do you like it? I was doing some spring-cleaning the other day, and I came across old Plato here. He was my father's pet. Couldn't bear to part with him, not even in death, so he had him stuffed. He's really got a lot of sentimental value for me. He's an excellent example of taxidermy. Quite valuable, I'm sure. And I'd like you to have him.
Sam: Oh... Um... Frasier, I don't think so.
Frasier: Well, then toss it.
Sam: All right.

Diane: I don't see any reason why we should show these slides here.
Frasier: Well, why not? I think those slides might benefit everyone. It's a chance to see Europe's cultural and artistic highlights with an informed commentary by people who've been there. Anyone who wants to see slides of Diane's and my trip to Europe, raise your hands. [no hands go up]
Sam: You could make disgusting noises and shadow animals.
Frasier: Fine. I'll go set it up.

Frasier: Say, Cliff.
Cliff: Yeah?
Frasier: Slides of the European trip, poolroom, five minutes. Be there.
Cliff: Hey. Hey, yeah, great. Wouldn't miss it. [to Norm] There's a major yawn.

Norm: Well, it's time I stopped avoiding the success that's been nipping at my heels all these years. My whole life stands before me. I'm poised here on the brink of destiny, guys. Look out, world, get off my runway.
Cliff: Ho! Look out!
Frasier: Hey, is everybody ready for the slide show?
Norm: Yeah, what the hell. I got nothing better to do.

Cliff: Well, that was a thrill a minute, huh, Norm?
Norm: I'd say your Florida slides were better than that, Cliffie.
Cliff: Oh, I got them in the trunk of my car.
Norm: It's a good place for them.

Frasier: I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I thought I was getting better.
Diane: Frasier, sit down. You keep saying you're getting better, but I haven't seen any evidence of it. Now, hard as it may be, you've got to stop being preoccupied with me. Get a hold of yourself.
Frasier: Enough said. You don't have to hit Frasier Crane over the head. Unless, of course, you'd like to. [off Diane's look] Where is your sense of humor?

Jeff: And by the way, that was a brilliant job you did on the Stallings audit. I mean, who else would've figured out how to write off Mrs Stallings' breast reduction as a depreciation?
Norm: Yeah. You know, I hear that Stallings will be eligible for parole in our lifetime.

Jeff: You don't know about Morrison and the boss's wife? They've been making it every Tuesday night for the past five months.
Norm: Jeffrey, I can't believe that.
Jeff: No, I'm serious.
Norm: Once a week? Well, I guess if you're young, you can handle that kind of schedule.

Norm: So as I was about to say, Jeff here lets it slip that my competition's making the sheets sing with the boss's wife.
Sam: Oh, yeah, that's pretty hot information there, isn't it?
Carla: You're gonna rat on him?
Norm: No, I'm gonna sing "Moon River" outside their motel room.

Sam: I know you want this job pretty bad. You think that's the way to go about it?
Diane: I have to agree, Norman. This just isn't you talking. You're not the ruthless, cutthroat, aggressive type.
Norm: I don't know where you guys got the idea that I'm just some passive, easygoing lump.
Carla: Norm, if your buns didn't fall asleep, you'd never get off the bar stool.
Norm: Well, they're wide awake now, guys, and I want this promotion. I want it for Vera. She deserves it.