Henri: I've got two more numbers, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, well, I'm not playing, Henri.
Henri: You will, Sam, you will.
Sam: Yeah? What makes you think so?
Henri: Because I know you, Sam. Deep down you're a, uh, uh, babe-hound just as I am. Admit it. With every phone number I catch, you die a little inside. You can deny what you are to the others, but not to me. Come, Sam, come over to the dark side!
Sam: Just go fill a pretzel bowl, will you?
Henri: Okay. Okay. But after they're filled... come to the dark side!

Henri: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. It would make my life worth living if only I could have your phone number.
Woman: Sorry. Nothing personal. I just don't like French guys.
Henri: Oh... [coughs] [American accent] Well, uh, that's, uh, that's just an affectation. I'm Chuck from Portland. I- I just figured you're so sophisticated that you- You wouldn't have anything to do with plain old me.
Woman: You should have more confidence, Chuck. Maybe this will help your self-esteem.
Henri: [to the guys in a French accent] I got another one. [to the woman in an American accent] Thank you. Sammy! I am thrashing you soundly. You better hurry! You'll never catch up!

Sam: Hey, fellows, fellows, fellows! All right, please, take your seats. Okay, Henri, you're on. Carla, get the babe kit.
Carla: [gasps] Not the babe kit! Sam, are you sure?!
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Oh, but, Sammy, he's just a kid! He didn't know!
Sam: Maybe it's time he grew up, Carla.
Carla: Oh, but Sammy, you told me never to get the babe kit!
Sam: Henri, you shouldn't have brought America into this. [both exit]
Henri: Ooh! The babe kit! I'm shaking! [laughs] What is this babe kit? Tell me. Tell me!
All: Scaredy-cat, scaredy- cat, scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat!

Dr. Kluger: So, I wanted to be an artist. The old man wouldn't have it. Off to medical school. I could never please him.
Rebecca: Aw. Not you, with all the important work you do?
Dr. Kluger: Well, it was never enough.
Rebecca: You poor, poor man.
Dr. Kluger: Mm.
Rebecca: Oh, watch it. Don't get ashes on my diploma.

Sam: Oh, my God! Is it really you?
Woman: Uh, yeah. Hi.
Sam: How long has it been? Oh, I love what you did with your hair! It's great!
Woman: Thank you.
Sam: Are you still going with, uh... Oh, shoot.
Woman: Steve?
Sam: Yeah. Steve, right.
Woman: No, no, apparently, he wasn't ready to make a commitment.
Sam: Is that Steve or what? [both laugh] That's right. God, you look wonderful! Hey, give me a hug. It's great to see you. Great to see you. Wait, this is crazy! This is crazy! Here, look, give me your number. I don't want to lose touch with you again.
Woman: You know, I really meant to call you a couple of times. Here.
Sam: Well, shame on you for not. Give me another hug. All right.
Woman: Bye. [exits]
Sam: Bye-bye. See you later.
Norm: Sammy, who was that?
Sam: How the hell should I know?

Woman: So how many orphans did you save?
Henri: Oh, 15, 16 if you include their little puppy.
Woman: You went back in to save a puppy?
Henri: Well, he was an orphan, too.
Woman: Oh! My card.
Henri: Oh, thank you. Uh, could you push that down for me?
Woman: Oh, sure.
[Henri removes his sling as the woman walks out of the bar]

Sam: Oh! I can't believe it! Excuse me, miss, have you seen a, an Olympic gold medal from the decathlon? I hate to lose it. It was part of a set. But I'll tell you something, I would give them all up for a shot at your phone number.
Woman: Look, I find you very amusing and, uh, I appreciate all this flattery, but if this is just some bar pick-up, I wish you wouldn't. Yeah, I'm just coming off a bad relationship and I'm very vulnerable right now.
Sam: Oh, well, I'm, uh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that. Uh, actually, I'm, I'm not an Olympic athlete.
Carla: [softly] Sam, hurry!
Sam: Uh, I'm a secret agent. Uh... I'm sorry. You were right the first time. It's a sleazy bar pick-up.
Woman: Yeah.
Sam: Forgive me. It was very childish. Good luck to you.
Woman: Thanks.
Sam: Yeah. Sorry.

Sam: Well, Henri, you won fair and square. Congratulations.
Henri: Yes, I did, Sam, and on behalf of Frenchmen everywhere, let me just say [blows raspberry] [laughs]
Sam: Well, thank you. How very gracious of you.
Carla: Shame on you, Sam. Shame on you! You threw back the tying babe just because she was vulnerable. The old Sammy would have kept on pushing till he got the number.
Sam: Well, maybe I'm just not the old Sammy anymore.
Carla: No, I guess you're not.

Woman: Uh, excuse me.
Sam: Yeah?
Woman: Listen, I just wanted to tell you that l, uh, appreciate you being such a gentleman back there.
Sam: Oh, well...
Woman: You know, I don't meet many men who are like that.
Sam: You're welcome. You're welcome. Good luck to you.
Woman: Hey, what are you doing later on tonight?
Sam: Uh, I thought you wanted to be alone. What about all that vulnerable stuff?
Woman: Oh, that was just a line I use to find out what kind of man I'm dealing with.
Sam: [laughs] Good for you!

Woman: Hey, you guys, you have to meet this guy. He is such a gentleman.
Sam: Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.
Woman #2: Oh, yeah, and he's cute too.
Sam: Oh.
Woman: Listen, we're gonna go out. Do you want to come along?
Woman #2: It's a lot more fun with four.
Sam: Yeah.
Woman: Look, there's one thing that you should know. We do everything together.
Sam: Everything?
Woman #3: Everything.
Woman: Yeah.
Sam: Well! Ladies, ladies. Uh, Carla, uh, would you close the bar for me? Uh, oh, Henri, uh, congratulations on that, uh, that, uh, phone number thing we were doing. Okay, ladies, right foot! [laughs]
All: [chant] USA! USA! USA!