Carla: Norm.
Norm: Yeah?
Carla: Tell the bartender I need a vodka-rocks.
Norm: Sammy, Carla needs a vodka-rocks and a beer.
Sam: Carla, will you cut it out with this "tell the bartender" stuff? It's me, Sam.
Carla: Sam is dead. He died, when he wouldn't take the challenge from Henri.

Cliff: Look at Sammy just standing there. Maybe Henri's right. Maybe he is a [French accent] scaredy-cat.
Sam: You guys don't get it, do you? You know, it's I've done all this babe-chasing stuff. All right, here- Here's what it is. It's like- It's like watching The Three Stooges. You know? You watch the early ones with Curly, and they, they were magic! And then- Then you watch the later ones, you know, where they're using the same jokes with Curly Joe, and it just breaks your heart! See, what I'm saying is I guess, you know, you- you've got to move with the times. That's all.
Norm: Well, listen to the scaredy-cat knocking Curly Joe.

Frasier: Say what's the, uh, tote board for? I thought Sam wasn't gonna take that bet.
Norm: Well, he wasn't, but then Henri turned it into a big grudge match France versus the USA. At the last hour, Sam stepped in for our side.
Frasier: Damn, and I missed it! I was home teaching my kid to read! I could kick myself!

Sam: You know, that's just childish. Can we please just talk about anything besides this damned bet?
Cliff: Yeah. Okay, how about this? What would, uh, Metropolis be like if Superman retired? Oops! One thing wrong with that scenario. Superman gives a damn.

Carla: Sammy, when is Woody getting back from his honeymoon? I've been working a double shift for two weeks, and I'm exhausted. [to a customer] Oh, thank you. Come again. [to herself] Oh, my God, who am l?

Sam: Hey, Henri, what can I do for you?
Henri: Uh, I need a favor, Sam. I need you to tell the Unemployment Office that I applied for a job, and you turned me down. [Sam laughs]
Carla: Sammy, come here.
Sam: What?
Carla: Listen, why don't we hire the guy? That would help me out a lot.
Sam: Oh, I- I don't know about that.
Carla: Henri, did you ever tend bar?
Henri: Well, yes, but...
Carla: You're hired.
Henri: No, no, but you are missing the point. You are to turn me down and send me on my way so that I might spend my afternoon watching television.
Sam: I'm sorry, man, but I need the help. Thanks.
Henri: Zut alors. Okay, give me an apron. Oh, mon dieu. I am filling Woody's shoes. Oh, the pressure.

Sam: Say, can I bum a cigarette?
Rebecca: Yeah, I got one right... Oh, God! Sam, I swear, I swear.
Sam: I can't believe you.
Rebecca: No, this is the only one that I've had!
Sam: You promised me you would not smoke in the office. We had a little problem with that, remember? Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Whoo! Whoosh!

Dr. Kluger: So, you're the girl who likes to smoke.
Rebecca: You don't intimidate me. I've been to a million of these places, and they don't work. I'm out of here.
Dr. Kluger: Oh, well, fine. Go. You're free to leave.
Rebecca: No doorknob.
Dr. Kluger: [laughs] Yeah, that's right, Miss Howe. Because you have the key, and the key is discipline.
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm scared. Why don't you just save yourself some time and unlock the door?
Dr. Kluger: Uh... All right, Miss Howe. Relax. Have a seat. [chuckles] Why don't you have a cigarette? In fact why don't you have, a thousand cigarettes? Now you are going to smoke until you can smoke no more. But I predict you will not get past 50. No one has ever gotten past 50.
Rebecca: I had 50 in the van.
Dr. Kluger: Oh, well, I can see this is going to be a challenge. [over the intercom] All right, hold my calls.

Henri: And so you can imagine my embarrassment when I made two dates for the same night.
Cliff: Uh, what happened when your two lovelies arrived? Was there a cat fight? Oh please, tell me there was a cat fight.
Henri: Of course. There was a big cat fight. They were very, very naughty. I don't even know why I kept letting them up on the bed.
Tim: Henri, where was the strangest place that you ever-
Henri: Oh, that would have to be, uh, ah, during a performance in the balcony at the Paris Opera. And believe me, it wasn't over until the fat lady sang.
Norm: Very impressive. [Sam chuckles]
Henri: And what about you, Sam? You're supposed to be a great ladies' man?
Sam: All right, let's see, the strangest place, that'd have to be, uh, the back of a car.
Henri: Well, that's not so strange.
Sam: The car's on an assembly line, Henri.

Henri: I suggest a little competition. All right, here's what we do. We shall collect phone numbers from beautiful women. Whoever has the most phone numbers at midnight will be acknowledged as the world's greatest ladies' man.
Carla: That's a great idea.
Alan: Hey, take him, Sammy!
Norm: Yeah, put him in his place.
Sam: Don't listen to this. It's a stupid idea.
Henri: Oh. Do I hear a scaredy-cat's tune?
Sam: Would you grow up, Henri?
Henri: Scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat.
Sam: Hey, hey, stop that. Hey, please, will ya? Maybe ten years ago I would have taken this silly bet. But I'm, I'm older, and I'm a little wiser.
Henri: Oh, well, maybe you're right, Sam. Maybe we don't need to compete. [sighs] I'll simply be king of ladies' men and you'd be the mayor of Scaredy-Cat Town. You'd better hurry. I am about to get my first number.