Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What's the story, Norm?
Norm: Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy gets another beer. In this performance, the role of the boy will be played by Norm Peterson.

Norm: Going a little bit overboard here, aren't you? After all, it's just a silly little machine.
Rebecca: It's not a silly machine, Norman. It is- It is a metaphor for life. It is. Everybody gets to pull the handle, and sometimes they win, and sometimes they lose. But I always lose. I pull the handle, and I get cherry, lemon, [voice breaking] Bell!
Norm: Rebecca, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason you always lose is because you think you're going to lose?
Rebecca: Oh, don't give me that crap! I tried that positive thinking stuff, and I knew it wouldn't work, and sure enough, it didn't!

Rebecca: If I were you, I would be a nervous wreck. You know, I had a shot at my dream job.
Norm: Yeah?
Rebecca: And I- I did really, really well. And then it came time for me to meet the big boss, and I choked. I went in, and- and I complimented him, and then I realized, "Oh, God, I'm kissing up." So I took back the compliment, and then it looked like I was insulting him. So then I started telling jokes, and they were really bad. And then... And- And then, the next thing I knew, I was singing, "Knick knack paddy whack" song. And I was just singing and singing at the top of my lungs. And I just kept burying myself deeper and deeper. And I lost my dream job. And when I walked out of that House of Pancakes, I felt two inches tall.
Norm: Well, Rebecca, that's about the most depressing thing I've ever heard in my life.

Marketing Analyst: Excuse me, sir. I represent a market research company. We're doing a survey.
Norm: Oh, I'm really not interested. Thanks. [walks away]
Marketing Analyst: Okay. How about you, sir?
Paul: Okay.
Marketing Analyst: We're looking for volunteers to taste several brands of beer.
Norm: [rushes back] Uh, excuse me, Paul, we were having a conversation here. You were saying?
Marketing Analyst: Uh, uh, well, if you're available, just come to this address at 2:00 this afternoon.
Norm: Hey, listen, uh, uh, what exactly do I do?
Marketing Analyst: Well, you'll be in a room with several other volunteers, and you'll be tasting several varieties of beer. We'll pay you for your time.
Norm: Excuse me, sir. This is gonna sound like an odd question, but by any chance, were you born in a manger?

Frasier: Well, Norm, I must say I've never seen you look happier or- or more fulfilled.
Norm: Well, thanks, Fras. I still don't have the job officially yet. I got to meet the president of the brewery. But I tell you what, I feel like I've found my calling.
Frasier: Yeah, that's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?
Norm: Yeah.
Frasier: You know, I remember the first day I decided to go into the healing arts. Yeah, just the thought of helping my fellow man it gave me a sense of purpose, a mission in life. [rhythmic beeping] Oh. Oh, surprise, surprise! Mrs. Davis. "I had a bad childhood." Join the club, sister!

Mr. Hoffmeyer: Norm, I hear you're doing excellent work for us.
Norm: Thank you very much, sir. [sighs] Nice pants. [chuckles] I can't believe I just said that. Look, I'm not trying to kiss up, sir. I take back what I said about those pants, okay? Not that they're not nice pants. I mean, of course they are. They're- They're- They're great pants, you know. I just don't want you to think that all I'm doing is looking at your pants. I'm also looking at your face, sir, and- and your shirt, your tie, all of which are lovely. Like a manly kind of lovely. You know what I mean? Good Lord, I'm not making much sense, am l, sir? Let me just start all over again. Hello. My name is Norm Pants. Ooh! Yay. That didn't come out right, either, did it? [laughs] I'm gonna laugh about that one tonight, sir. And I'm sure you will, too, when you take those pants off tonight. Not that I'm thinking about you taking your pants off, sir! Nothing could be further from the truth! I mean, well, now, don't get me wrong. You know, it's not like I would be grossed out if you took your pants off. Go ahead, run around naked for all I care! After all, you'll do whatever you want to do. You're Mr. Hoffmeyer, for crying out loud! [laughs] Oh, come on, lighten up, will you?! Why are you such a sourpuss? Come on. What's it going to take to put a smile on that face, huh? [sings] With a knick knack paddy whack, give a dog a bone This old man came rolling home!

Rebecca: Everybody step up while Lady Luck thumbs her nose at Rebecca Howe. [bell rings] I got my nickel back.
Frasier: [to Carla] I thought that thing was supposed to pay off.
Carla: [to Frasier] It's been paying off all week. I guess it's empty.
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry.
Rebecca: Sorry? This has never happened to me before. I broke even. I've never broken even before. I'm not a loser. I'm a break-evener. Norm is a loser. See him eating his ice cream? You know what this means? It means that my life isn't so terrible. It's... It's so-so! [laughs] Isn't this great?! [exits]
Norm: Hey, guys, did Rebecca call me a loser?
Frasier: I'm afraid so, Norm.
Norm: Good. I thought she said, "Leave me some."

Cliff: Plus, he's got that wedding ring. Now, that is a real babe magnet.
Norm: Please, it's an old wives' tale.
Cliff: Not so.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Oh, it's been scientifically proven that women are more attracted to married men.
Frasier: The whole notion is ridiculous. Look, I'll... I'll prove it to you. You see those two attractive young females over there? I'll go over and hit on them relentlessly, all the while displaying my wedding ring. See how long it takes them to give me the cold shoulder. [walks over to the two women] Hi. You two ladies need some company? Oh, sure, I'm married, but, uh, you know, I'm not dead. I figure, well, uh...
[When Lilith walks in behind Frasier, the guys in the bar rush into the back room]
Frasier: Lilith is here, isn't she?

Mike: I was, uh, looking over your sample comments, and, uh, well, must say they're very impressive.
Norm: Thank you.
Mike: Uh, now, remember, this is just a trial, but I think you're gonna do great.
Norm: Thanks, sir.
Mike: Uh, the job's very simple. You'll drink random samples of beer off the line and give us your opinion. That's it. [both chuckle] Well, uh you ready to see the brewery, Norm?
Norm: Oh, I've been ready for 43 years, sir.

Cliff: Sorry about the job there, Norm.
Norm: Oh, don't worry about it, Cliff. What are you going to do? I had my dream job for a week, and I lost it. But you've got to look on the on the bright side, you know. I mean, somebody could walk up to me tomorrow, tap me on the shoulder, say, "Hey, we want you to sample various types of pretzels." You know? Or- Or- Or pizza. Could happen.
Cliff: Maybe, big guy.