‘The Beer Is Always Greener’
Season 11, Episode 2 - Aired October 1, 1992
As Sam gets ready for the grand re-opening of Cheers, he sends Norm and Cliff to get Carla back from the chain restaurant, Mr. Pubb's, where she's now working.
Quote from Woody
Sam: Hey, what happened?
Woody: Well, Kelly and I found out we're from different religions.
Frasier: I thought you and Kelly were both Lutheran.
Woody: Oh, well, that's what I thought. It turns out she's Lutheran Church of America, I'm Lutheran Church of Missouri Synod. What if we had children, we'd have half-breeds.
Frasier: Woody, very often these problems can be resolved by, uh, a group session.
Woody: Oh, no, I don't think so, Doctor Crane. The sight of Kelly with another man would drive me crazy.
Sam: No, no, Frasier's talking about counselling, Woody. You are, aren't you?
Frasier: Counselling! Yes!
Sam: See?
Frasier: Perhaps Lilith and I could provide some help.
Woody: Oh, that's nice, Doctor Crane. I'll- l'll ask Kelly. If she's not too busy begging at airports or whatever those people do.
Quote from Rebecca
Bernard: I'll be finished in about an hour. Tell me something. You ever seen the ceiling of a phone truck?
Rebecca: [grabs his ear] Listen, buster. You get my phones working or I'll come down on you with a sexual harassment suit that'll make your head spin that is if there's a neck in there somewhere!
Bernard: All right! All right! Phew! Your service'll be back on in a couple of hours! Phew! [to Sam] Lesbian, huh? You'd be surprised how many of those I run into in a day.
Quote from Rebecca
Rebecca: Who put a quarter in this bar that I just finished varnishing?
Cliff: I did. Go ahead, try to pick it up.
Rebecca: Well, I can't. It's stuck in the varnish.
Cliff: That's right, right! You can't pick it up no matter how hard you try!
Rebecca: Why don't you guys just go away and come back tonight for the reopening.
Norm: This is the way you treat us? We come in to help you, and now you kick us out?
Rebecca: Two hours of putting the Indian and the wooden lady in dirty positions is not helping.
Quote from Rebecca
Bernard: Congratulations on your reopening. Trust me, one Lambada with Bernard, and you'll never look at another woman.
Rebecca: You don't get it, do you? We're born this way.
Quote from Carla
Carla: Yeah, isn't it funny how things work out? I mean, you know, if I'd stayed at Mr. Pubb's, I would have made a lot more money, but I never would have met my date for tonight.
Sam: Your date?
Carla: Yeah.
Bernard: Ready to go, sweetheart?
Carla: Mm-hmm.
Bernard: Last straight broad in America, and Bernard's got her.