Norm: Wow. All these big-screen TVs getting satellite feeds from all over the world.
Cliff: Yeah, well, Normie, it is the information age. We can receive up-to-the-minute stock prices, medical breakthroughs, political upheavals from all around the globe. Of course we'd, uh, have to turn off the cartoons first.

Woody: Hi, guys.
Rebecca: Woody, what are you doing back here?
Sam: How come you're not on your honeymoon?
Woody: Honeymoon? Is that what you call it when two people lock themselves in a room and refuse to speak or even look at each other?
Norm: No, Wood, that's marriage.

Cliff: Want to stop on the way for a sandwich? It's three blocks over, Boylston?
Norm: No, no, no, not to worry, Cliffy. I stuffed my pockets with pretzels. Something I learned in the Boy Scouts, you've got to be prepared.
Cliff: Ah, you were in the Boy Scouts, huh?
Norm: Yeah, for about a week, then I quit.
Cliff: How come?
Norm: Well, there was some talk about going on a hike.

Carla: Hi. Welcome to Mr. Pubb's. My name is Carla. I'll be your server for the evening. What can I get you?
Man: Give me a Scotch on the rocks.
Carla: An excellent choice, sir.
Waitress: That's great, Carla! That's the first time you did it without the Mr. Pubb's Handbook!
Carla: Bite my pubb!
Bartender: Well, Carla, you've really come a long way in the past two weeks.
Carla: Thank you, sir. A Scotch on the rocks for table 12.
Bartender: Coming right up.
Carla: So's my lunch.

Bartender: Welcome to Mr. Pubb's.
Norm: Hey.
Bartender: Someone will be here in a moment to help you, friends.
Norm: Just need a couple beers, that's all.
Bartender: Oh, from which country? We have over 200 to choose from.
Norm: Well, what say, Cliffy? Once around the world and then home?

Cliff: Oh, man, wow, look at this. I mean, not only do they have a video arcade but they've got, uh, ten big-screen TVs right over there in the wall.
Norm: Each one of them televising a different game.
Cliff: Boy, l- l- l bet your neck, though, will get really sore moving your head back and forth from game to game.
Norm: Try just moving your eyes.
Cliff: Hey! Cool!

Norm: [laughs] Well, well, well! Where's your organ-grinder?
Carla: [raises her hand] Right here.
Norm: I just mean, you know, don't you feel kind of silly in that outfit?
Carla: Of course I feel silly in this outfit. I can't wait till my shift ends, so I can get my pay-check and head back to Cheers.
Bartender: Carla, we have a birthday at table four.
Carla: [giddy] Ooh, a birthday!
Norm & Cliff: [mocking] Ooh, a birthday!
Carla: [pins Norm & Cliff's hands under the bar tray] If you guys- If you guys ever, ever say one word about what you are about to see me do, the last thing you'll see is me takin' a bite out of your still-beating hearts!

Carla: Okay, overstuffed potato skins.
Norm: Hey, we didn't make fun of you.
Carla: No. These! These! It's happy hour. They're complimentary.

Bartender: Here's your pay-check for the past two weeks. You had a rocky start, but, at the rate you're improving, I think you might just be up for a promotion in the next month or so.
Carla: Seriously?
Bartender: Here at Mr. Pubb's, we believe in promoting from within.
Carla: Wow!
Bartender: I see you noticed our Mr. Pubb's satisfied customer bonus.
Carla: I never had a satisfied customer bonus before. Come to think of it, I never had a satisfied customer before.

Cliff: Oh, that's amazing, Norm. Carla's not gonna show up there for Sammy's grand reopening.
Norm: Well, let's go back and, uh, break the news to him, I guess.
Cliff: Yeah.
Bartender: [over P.A.] Wahba, wahba, wahba, everybody. It's luau night here at Mr. Pubb's, complete with complimentary pupu platters. [drumbeats]
Norm: We're not going back to Cheers, are we, Cliff?
[A waitress puts a lei around Cliff's neck and kisses him on the cheek]
Cliff: No, we are not.