Suzanne: Where are you going?
Sam: Uh, to my niece's house. Her grandma's sick.
Suzanne: If it's your niece's grandma, wouldn't that be your mother?
Sam: My mom's sick? Oh, my God! [runs out then returns to grab his coat] Excuse me. Why don't you stick around for a little while? My mom bounces right back.

Sam: [on the phone] Hello. Oh, hi, Denise. Um, what'd the doctor say? Oh, thank God, oh, thank God! Oh, thank God! Oh! Oh, I'm so happy. Well, I'm so happy for the other guy. Yeah. Congratulations, huh? All right, we- well, I'll call you some other time then, all right? Bye-bye. [hangs up]
Frasier: Doctor, Sam?
Sam: Uh, yeah, uh, Denise and I and this, uh, other guy share the same doctor and she just wanted to let me know that he had gotten some new magazines in the waiting room.
Carla: You lucky dog!
Norm: Must be the Sports Illustrated "Swimsuit Issue".

Sam: Say, uh Suzanne, uh, what do you say, you want to help me celebrate here?
Suzanne: I'd love to.
Sam: Great.
Suzanne: What are we celebrating?
Sam: I have no idea, but whatever it is we're overdressed.
Carla: Ahem, Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Carla: Uh, Sam, aren't you forgetting something?
Sam: I know, I know, I'm gonna drop by the old drug store. Don't worry, I learned my lesson.

Woody: Hey, sorry, Sam. Uh, I was just at an understudy rehearsal. I thought you might get a kick out of my costume.
Sam: [panting] You ought to warn people before you go around pretending to be God.
Woody: You thought I was God? Thanks. I was only trying to be Moses. Hey, guys, he thought I was God!

Sam: Listen, l- l- l'm not really in the mood anymore.
Suzanne: Why not?
Sam: Carla's cousin Tino's teeth fell out.
Suzanne: Yeah, well, maybe some other time. Why don't you give me a call?
Sam: Yeah. I- I don't have your number.
Suzanne: Perfect.

Woody: Oh, listen, Sam. Uh, in the interest of authenticity, you think there's anyway I can sound less like God and more like Moses?
Sam: Yeah, stop going around scaring people.
Woody: That's good. That's good, now, how 'bout the voice?

Sam: Carla, Carla? Oh, great. Look. I think I got it. God's gonna have to accept this one. "With the Lord, one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years is as one day."
Carla: So?
Sam: So that means I've been out of action for 21,000 years. Come on, that's got to be good enough for Him.
Carla: You know, Sam, l- l'd like to agree with you, since you're so pathetic it's annoying. But no sale.
Sam: All right, all right, I still got Deuteronomy here.
Carla: Don't look, Sammy. Temptation at 12:00.
Sam: Oh. Oh. Oh, God. Man, they're coming in waves.

Rachel: [covers Sam's eyes] Guess who?
Sam: Uh-oh.
Rebecca: I'll give you a hint. Vermont ski lodge, a roaring fire, and baby oil.
Sam: Uh could you, uh, be more specific?
Rachel: Gravity boots.
Sam: Oh, Rachel Patterson.

Carla: Sammy, I'm so proud of you.
Sam: [chuckles] Yeah.
Carla: If you could hold out last night, you can make it the whole three months.
Rebecca: Sam, I'm late for a party. Can you help me with this zipper?
[Sam trembles as he grabs Rebecca's zipper]
Frasier: Sam? Sam? Sam? Sam? Sam! Piano. Piano, Sam. For God's sake, piano!
Rebecca: Carla?
[Sam plays "Chopsticks"]