Cliff Quote #164
Quote from Cliff in The Mail Goes to Jail
Police Officer: Cliff Clavin?
Cliff: Yeah, Officer. What's the trouble?
Police Officer: Do you know a Norm Peterson?
Cliff: Yeah. Well, what is it?
Police Officer: Well, we have him down at the station. We've arrested him for mail theft.
Cliff: Oh. No, no, no. You've made a mistake there, Officer.
Police Officer: No, no, there's no mistake. We caught him red-handed messing with mail boxes on your route. He had a handful of letters. He said he was delivering them for you.
Cliff: Yeah, I asked him to.
Police Officer: You asked him to? Well, you're out of a job, fella.
Cliff: Uh, excuse me, Officer, you interrupted me before I finished. I asked him to quit following me. I mean, the guy, I had him pegged as a sociopath right away. He's a frustrated mailman. We call it postal envy.
Cheers Quotes
‘The Mail Goes to Jail’ Quotes
Quote from Coach
Cliff: All right, look, I'll call and see what the penalty is, but it's got to be anonymous.
Coach: OK, everybody in favor of Cliff calling, raise your hand. [all hands go up] It's anonymous. Not even an extension.
Quote from Diane
Diane: Bambi?
Sam: Yeah, what's wrong with that?
Diane: Well, I suppose it's better than Dumbo or Goofy. Not as appropriate, but...
Sam: Coach, can I have my flashlight, please?
Diane: You know, Sam I can't help but noticing that Bambi wasn't the same little deer that you left here with on Friday.
Sam: No, I got rid of Cindy. We weren't compatible.
Diane: Really? What was the problem there?
Sam: Dumb as a post.
Diane: Oh, with so much in common, I can't imagine why you two went awry.
Sam: No, I'm serious. I mean, she just wasn't my intellectual equal.
Diane: You should have said you're looking for an intellectual equal. I could introduce you to something that's growing on my shower curtain.
Quote from Cliff
Norm: How many letters you got left?
Cliff: I don't know. Seven or eight. [eats soup] Boy, this tastes good.
Norm: Hey, these are all on my way home. Let me drop these off for you, Cliffie. I've got to go home anyway.
Cliff: No, Norm, you're not trained. You're not qualified.
Norm: What qualified? You drop them in a slot. A chimp could do it.
Cliff: A chimp? No way. They did a study at the University of Michigan. Chimps were 32% slower. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were better with customer relations and everything, but...