Carla: Did she fall for it?
Sam: Hook, line, and... Sammy.
Carla: Do you believe this? Did you ever think this day would come?
Sam: As a matter of fact, I never had any doubt there, Carla. Behold a sealed envelope. Will you please open it and read the contents.
Carla: Mm-hmm. "l, Sam Malone, will sleep with Rebecca Howe on the night of April 19th, 1990." When did you write this?
Sam: This morning. I write a new one every day.

Rebecca: Jean Marie. I don't think that's such a hot name. I think it's stupid. It sounds like it's French for "Jan Murray."
Cliff: Well, the French, they consider Jan Murray the greatest comic genius of the 20th century.
Frasier: No, they say that about Jerry Lewis.
Cliff: Well, they're wrong, it's Jan Murray.

Woody: She seems like the perfect roommate. But I don't know. The thought of having a girl for a roommate... Well, I got a real problem with that.
Norm: Girlfriend wouldn't understand, huh?
Woody: Now I got two problems.
Sam: Oh, I get it. Your mom would disapprove.
Woody: Make that 3 problems.
Frasier: What, do you have religious scruples?
Woody: Oh, great. 4 problems.
Sam: What was your original problem, Woody?
Woody: Well, I like to sit on the couch and leave the top button on my pants undone after a good frozen meal.