Carla: You, are not welcome here. Now, you just do us all a favor and leave, okay? You have no right to be here.
Nick Tortelli: I have a right to be here! I am the father of the bride! I have a responsibility to give away the hand of the betrothed! It's what's called loin entitlement.
Carla: You smelly little wart.
Woody: See, Kelly, we're not the only couple who has cute little nicknames for each other.

Nick Tortelli: Carla, I have to be honest with you. When I heard about this wedding, I was very hurt that you excluded us. After all, a marriage is a time for forgiveness and healing. We drove 22 hours to get here. We even bought a beautiful present. [snaps fingers twice]
Loretta: It's a set of Star Trek steak knives.
Nick Tortelli: Anyway, I have a right to be here. I'm, uh, I'm gonna stay.
Carla: Yeah? You can just drive 22 hours back.
Sam: Oh, come on, Carla. It took them so long to get here.
Rebecca: And- And, you know, he is her father.
Carla: Oh, fine, fine. You want Nick to be at my daughter's wedding? Well, you can have him. Just have a great time!
Sam: Oh, come on, Carla.
Nick Tortelli: Yeah, women, women. Isn't it enough we sleep with them?

Cliff: Hey, uh, Nick, if you want somebody to invest in that, uh, act of yours there, for Vegas, you ought to go talk to blondie over there. Yeah, she's loaded.
Nick Tortelli: Thank you. Listen, you come to Vegas, you're comped. Excuse me, young man. Hello Miss. I'm Nick Tortelli.
Kelly: Hello. I'm Kelly Boyd.
Nick Tortelli: I can tell by your organda that you have taste and discernment.
Kelly: Thank you.
Nick Tortelli: Knock, knock.
Kelly: Who's there?
Nick Tortelli: Opportunity.
Kelly: Opportunity who?
Nick Tortelli: This is gonna take some time.

Rebecca: You're Nick, right?
Nick Tortelli: Yes.
Rebecca: I'm Rebecca Howe. I work here in the bar with Carla. And I just want to say you must be very proud.
Nick Tortelli: Oh, I'm very proud.
Rebecca: Yes. I know the last thing that I would want to do is introduce a dark note, but if you don't get your hand off my butt, you're gonna lose it.

Gino: So, Miss Howe, we've got five minutes. You want to tear one off?
Nick Tortelli: That's mine!
Carla: Okay, that's one.
Nick Tortelli: Hugo, my beloved.
Carla: [scoffs] Hugo. Sorry, Nick, that's not your kid.
Nick Tortelli: You know you people could help me.
Frasier: I wouldn't be much good. I thought your last selection was correct.
Serafina: Uh, I think it's about time. Let's start the ceremony.
Nick Tortelli: Oh, that's Serafina. She's one of mine.
Carla: Aw, forget it Nick. Let's face it, you can't do this.

Carla: Oh wait, Nick. You can stay.
Nick Tortelli: Really?
Serafina: Thanks, Mom.
Carla: Look, you, listen you do anything to ruin my lovely daughter's wedding, and I will choke you until your eyes bug out.
Cliff: [voice breaking] It's just like The Waltons.

Carla: So, do you know who the father is?
Serafina: Yes.
Carla: Oh, honey, I'm so proud!
Serafina: It's Pat McDougall, the guy I've been going with.
Carla: Isn't he that retired cop who's just living off his disability?
Serafina: That's right. And now he wants to marry me.

Carla: Hey, my daughter's getting married!
Cliff: Hey!
Norm: Oh!
Rebecca: This'll be interesting.
Cliff: Yeah?
Rebecca: Finally, a wedding where I don't envy the bride.

Sam: What are you doing? Come on. You don't have to have it up there. Have it down here at Cheers.
Carla: Oh, no, no, we can have the reception here, but we got to have the ceremony upstairs.
Sam: Why?
Carla: Every wedding we have at Cheers is a disaster. Uh, remember you and Diane? This place is jinxed.
Sam: No, it's not. You're just thinking of the bad ones. What about, uh, Barry and JoAnne? Barry! Come here.
Barry, how's it going with you and JoAnne?
Barry: Where have you been, in a cave?

Sam: That's great, Serafina. You look great. [to Carla] Kind of sleazy for a wedding outfit.
Carla: Sam, that was my wedding dress.
Sam: When I say "sleazy," I mean sleazy in a beautiful young bride kind of way.