Roy: So, Lisa tells me you and Sam were in baseball.
Coach: Yeah, that's right.
Roy: I think it's a dead sport. They just haven't claimed the body yet. There's no action. People need action these days.
Sam: What sport do you like, Roy?
Roy: Female full-contact karate.
Diane: Excuse me, I have to go jump-start my brain.
Roy: Look out for that one, Lisa. She could steal my heart.

Norm: Cliff, I smell Chinese food. Oh, it's a cigar.

Coach: So, you're a salesman with my daughter's firm?
Roy: Yeah. Talk about coincidence. Lisa's my district manager. Has my fate in her hands. Yeah, I'm working Jersey now, but I'm moving up to Pennsylvania soon, huh, Lisa?
Lisa: Well, I suppose something could be arranged.
Norm: What do you sell?
Roy: I sell suits door-to-door.
Sam: Uh, is this one of the suits here?
Roy: You took the bait, Sam.
Sam: I did?
Roy: Hold this. [hands Lisa his cigar] I'm wearing an Omni suit right now, and, man, am I comfortable. The best part is its versatility. This suit comes with two coats, three pairs of pants and five reversible vests. The ensemble makes 120 combinations. Everything from dignified to sporty, huh? If you owned one, Sam, you could go straight from a funeral to a night on the town without even going home.
Sam: Well, I was trapped in just that situation Tuesday night.

Roy: Your mother! Like no one ever knocked over a dessert cart before. How about a beer?
Sam: [to Coach] Look, you've gotta talk to her.
Diane: Coach, you have to give Roy a chance.
Sam: You don't.
Roy: Hey, that's not a bad restaurant. The dessert guy's a dink but the cuisine was tasty. [to Norm] But what am I telling you, chubs?
[Cliff holds Norm back as he rises from his stool]

Carla: Where's Lisa?
Roy: Oh, she's still upstairs settling the bill.
Coach: [walks up, taps Roy on the shoulder] Are you saying you had her pay for dinner?
Roy: They wouldn't take a post-dated four-party check. If they're going to be hard-nosed, they should put up a sign.
Coach: [goes over to Diane] Now, do you still say there's something good in that?

Coach: Sam, I can't stop her. She wants him. She wants him, Sam.
Roy: Hey, Sam, I haven't forgotten about you. How about I run to the car for cloth swatches? [Sam tries to say no] Hey, I can be out there before you can scream no 700 times.
Sam: You better be quick.
Roy: [chuckles] "You better be quick."

Roy: Go ahead. Come on, go ahead, try it.
Norm: [holds lighter to the suit] The man doesn't lie. The stuff won't burn.
Sam: That's a drawback.

Lisa: Roy?
Roy: Hey, about time. What were you talking about in there?
Lisa: We were talking about me, Roy. My father thinks I'm beautiful. Do you?
Roy: What? Oh, hey, of course you're beautiful. Yeah, you're stylish, you're contemporary and you travel well.
Diane: You just said that about your suits.
Lisa: Roy, I don't want to marry you. I decided that I want a man as good as my father.
Roy: Wait, hold on here. What about Pennsylvania?
Lisa: Roy, you don't get Pennsylvania and you don't get me. You just get more and more obnoxious.
Roy: Hey, look, it's not like this marriage was gonna change my life or anything. But I want you to know that if I walk out that door right now, I'm gone. [applause] Do you hear what I said? Is that what you want, Lisa?
Lisa: That's what I want.
Roy: Well, then that's what you got. Goodbye, baby. Don't bother calling me cos we're through. [to Norm] This doesn't mean we can't put you in a new suit.
[After Roy hands Norm his business card, he takes a lighter to it]

Coach: [to Lisa] You've made me so happy. Oh, God, I mean it.
Diane: Oh, care to capture this moment in a caricature? No. Tacky.

Coach: Come on, let's celebrate. I'll buy you some ice cream.
Lisa: Hey, Daddy, no. I'm just not in the mood for ice cream. I just lost my fiance. I mean, I know he wasn't the greatest guy, but it's gonna take me a while to get over it. Rocky Road?
Coach: You got it. Sam, can we go?
Sam: Take off.
Coach: Hey, Sam, I got him.
Sam: You got him, Coach.
Coach: So long, everybody.