Cliff: Oh, Diane, you look beautiful.
Diane: Thank you.
Cliff: Oh, this is for you. Just a little token of my affection.
Diane: Thank you, Clifford. If you don't mind my asking, who is this Lucas fellow, and why is he here?
Cliff: Oh, well, we're gonna double with him and his date Carla.
Diane: Carla? Well, I guess they're a match. Although he does look like he's been around a mushroom or two.

Diane: Oh, Cliff. Gee, this is big. Big and beautiful.
Cliff: Yeah, why don't you try it on.
Diane: Oh, no, no, something this big and beautiful should be preserved.
Cliff: Oh, don't worry about that, Diane. That's guaranteed to last through a 20-knot wind.

Carla: Sorry I'm late. The baby spit up on my dress. I had to buy a brooch big enough to cover it. Real diamond chips. Seventy-five bucks. Hey. What is whitey doing here dressed like that?
Cliff: Oh, uh, Diane's the only date I could scrape up at the last minute.
Carla: Oh, yeah? What are you paying her?
Cliff: Transistor radio.
Carla: Ooh, a cheap date. I knew it.
[Norm growls at Carla in her dress]

Cliff: Well, you two seem to be getting on pretty well.
Carla: Yeah, well, I sure hate to have to admit this, Clavin, but tall, dark and gruesome here... [giggles]... turned out to be a real groove. Not a great dancer, though. He mashed in the toes of my shoes. I'll bill you for a new pair.
Cliff: I don't believe this. You should be buying me a VCR.
Carla: [hits Cliff] Just wait a minute. You're not gonna welsh on our deal, are you?
Cliff: Carla, come on, will you? You're making out like a bandit here. At least you're getting some loving tonight. Boy, I made the wrong choice between you and Diane.
Carla: What did you say?
Cliff: I said you and Diane look really choice tonight.
Carla: I see. So where is the stick anyway?
Cliff: She's just going to freshen up. She'll be out in a couple of minutes.
Carla: You know, I never would have thought it. You two.
Cliff: What are you talking about?
Carla: Look, I shouldn't be telling you this, but when you two guys went to get some punch, Diane told me that she wished you'd come on a little stronger. In fact, she said that she wished that you would do the one thing to her that no man has ever done. I mean, not even Sammy. The one thing that makes her crazy.
Cliff: What? What? Just out of curiosity.
Carla: Run your fingers up and down her arm, look into her eyes and sing "Misty."

Diane: Clifford, I want you to know that I liked your speech best. Out of all 267.
Cliff: Really?
Diane: Absolutely.
Cliff: Listen, Diane, I want to thank you for keeping up the act tonight. You know, staying by my side.
Diane: It wasn't entirely an act, Cliff. I think tonight was the first time I saw you with your guard down. You were yourself, not some mutation of Sam Malone, trying to impress people with tales of sexual exploits. Women don't really like that, Cliff. They want men to be sweet and vulnerable.
Cliff: Then how come Sammy always scores?
Diane: Because he's gorgeous. I mean, he has low standards. He'll go out with any floozy who comes down the pike.
Carla: Speaking of pike, how come we're not on it?
Cliff: Well, I wanted to take the long way home. Yeah I just had the time of my life tonight, and I don't want it to end. I just want to feel the night wind in my hair and share the company of you good people.
Diane: I think it's wonderful, Cliff. Yeah, I think tonight was a real breakthrough for you. Perhaps we've seen the end of the old insecure, arrested adolescent and we're seeing the emergence of the real Cliff Clavin.