Norm: [enters] Morning, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
Norm: The warranty on my liver.

Cliff: Oh, yeah. See, as a rule, your, uh, psycho killers don't have families. Nah, they're, uh, they're loners. They may have jobs, they're good to their mothers, but, by and large, they sit alone at night in a dark room, writing their depraved thoughts in a diary.
Norm: Cliffie, you keep a diary, don't you?
Cliff: l, uh, keep a journal, Norm. A journal!

Frasier: I thought that Frederick might enjoy himself.
Lilith: Enjoy himself in a bar? He's 11 months old. What kind of values can he learn here?
Frasier: Well, I- I thought the place had a lot to offer.
Lilith: Oh, please, he'll never learn to speak in this environment.
Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
Frederick: Norm!
Lilith: He said "Mommy."

Frasier: Gee whiz, Cliff, why don't you give it up? It's been an hour. Let's let Frederick have a chance.
Cliff: No, if he wants to play with it, let him ask me himself.
Frasier: Cliff, you know he can't speak yet. And what a cruel irony that you can.

Frasier: Good afternoon, everyone. Sam, just a quick iced tea. I've got my obsessive-compulsive group to preside over. You can imagine how punctual they are.
Sam: Ha. What time does it start?
Frasier: Well, now. Boy, the next 15 minutes are really going to drive them bonkers. But that's exactly what they need.

Carla: It's a minimum security prison. How hard could it be? I mean you're allowed to visit him anytime you want, right?
Rebecca: Yeah.
Carla: So what you do is you find some secluded spot.
Rebecca: Oh, you know, the garden area is usually deserted.
Carla: Great, great. I'll stand watch and you can stay with him as long as you want.
Rebecca: Oh, it shouldn't take long. He's English.

Lilith: Frasier, would you like to hear my theory as to why Frederick is not progressing as well as he should?
Frasier: Something tells me I wouldn't, my love. Uh, Woody, uh, two more drinks, please.
Lilith: It's both our fault. We don't spend enough time with him. We're too busy with our careers. He's being raised by a housekeeper. There is no consistency in his life.
Frasier: I agree, Lilith. As you know, we rarely agree, as you're a behaviorist and I'm a strict Freudian, but it does make for some, some, some hot, angry sex in the boudoir. I don't have to tell you. [laughs]
Norm: I wish you hadn't.

Lilith: Let's face facts. We should let the housekeeper go. One of us should be with our child at all times. The only question is: Which one?
Frasier: Well, you, of course.
Lilith: Why me, of course? Because I'm the woman? Why is the man's work automatically more important? I'm making great breakthroughs in my current research project.
Frasier: Yes, well, damn me to an eternity driving a Yugo, but I make more money than you.
Lilith: I write more books in one year than you read, Frasier.
Frasier: Yes, well, I have many degrees.

Rebecca: Carla, you got a minute?
Carla: What do you need, Becks?
Rebecca: I'm trying to write an appropriate reply to Robin's letter. Well, I don't seem to be able to express myself.
Carla: You want to send a "Smut-O-Gram."
Rebecca: And I was wondering if you could help me since you're the closest thing to a sailor I know.
Carla: Step into my office and rejoice in the filth.

Robin: Darling, darling, darling, you know... You know I want you more than anything, but we just can't take the chance.
Rebecca: Why? I can be quiet.
Robin: [chuckles] Quiet, no, no. No, it's, it's not that - and I'd feel insulted if you were - but I've just heard wonderful news. I'm up for early parole next month.
Rebecca: Oh! That's good!
Robin: You see, so I can't do anything that would jeopardize that, um, and, well, this is one of the few rules, and, um, you know, while l, I burn for you, I must adhere to it or I'll be here for another year. Now, you do understand that, don't you?
Rebecca: Sure, I do. You don't want to be in jail for another year. But what about my needs?! Carla, we're out of here! [men groan]