[dream sequence:]
Martha Stewart: I have a special dish and a special helper today, Harry Solomon. Harry is an alien. I love aliens.
Harry: Mmm, and I love your traditional oyster stuffing, in theory.
Martha Stewart: Thank you. Now, you're not feeling very well, are you, Harry?
Harry: Oh, Martha, I feel like I'm going to die.
Martha Stewart: Well, you need a reason to live, and I think I have one: fall crisp granny smith apple cobbler.
Harry: Mmm! A lattice crust.
Martha Stewart: Now, open wide. [Harry eats]
Harry: Mmm!
Martha Stewart: See? You're not going to die, and that's a good thing, Harry. Mm-mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
[Harry wakes up to a knock on the door:]
Harry: Come in. Martha Stewart says I'm not gonna die.

Mary: Oh, my god, you're burning up.
Dick: That's right. I'm burning up for you, baby.
Mary: I'm taking you home and putting you to bed.
Dick: All right! We're having sex tonight! [slaps Mary's ass]
Mary: Ah!

Dick: I have to tell you something. I don't know how much time I have left, so listen closely. If you wake up in the morning and find a quivering purple mass wearing my watch, don't touch it.
Mary: I won't. [finds cough syrup] Did you drink this entire bottle?
Dick: I have to tell you this.
Mary: No, you have to lie down.
Dick: I come from a different world.
Mary: And this is news?
Dick: You don't understand. I'm an alien from another planet. I'm telling you this because... I love you. [closes eyes]
Mary: Whatever you say. So much trouble, but you are sweet.
Dick: I know.

Sally: That was a close one. I wasn't sure we were gonna make it.
Dick: Yeah, when I thought I was going to die, I told Dr. Albright that I loved her. Why did I do that?
Harry: When you face death, you reassess your priorities. I've decided not to get those breast implants.

Dick: You know, you have to admire these humans. Their lives are so fragile. And yet, they're so willing to commit their hearts to one another for a lifetime.
Sally: Or an afternoon with some petri dish in a miniskirt.
Tommy: Hey, at least I'm gettin' some here, all right?
Dick: Well said.

James Earl Jones: [v.o.] As many intelligent people know, aliens are all around us. This is the story of four such explorers.

Dick: This is interesting. My throat tickles.
Harry: Mine, too. You know, I tried using a stick to scratch it, but that just brought up a whole new set of problems.

Dick: I'm not wearing pants. I was wondering why the lint brush wasn't working.

Sally: Okay, fine. If you insist on being stubborn, at least take some of this cough syrup.
Dick: I don't need it.
Sally: Dick, you have to. The lady at the drugstore said if this doesn't work, we have to put a vaporizer in your room.
Dick: Oh, no. [sips cough syrup] [Harry closes Dick's fly] [Dick groans]
Sally: Tastes bad?
Dick: No. I just didn't clear the zipper.

Dick: Now, how were those two able to find each other?
Mary: Oh, it was fate. He's rich. She wanted money so she could sit on her ass. I give it a year.
Dick: Oh, that is so beautiful. [sobs] Look at them. They belong together. Do you think they have any idea how ugly their children will be? [Mary laughs]