Dick: Say, did you see that sunrise over the tire plant this morning?
Don: I say if those colors come from chemicals, bring on the chemicals!

Dick: Friends, neighbors, thank you for coming. We are all united by our love for Pine Villa Estates time-shares. Now here's some exciting news. As great as one time-share is, two time-shares are even better.
Mary: Oh.
Dick: Yes, I would like to talk to you about the miracle of multi-time-share ownership.
Don: I am already a multi-time-share owner, and am considering a third.
All: Ooh.
Don: My question is, is it wrong to be this happy?
Dick: Good question. No, it's not. But you won't be happy if someone here buys this time-share first. I'll throw in two black-and-white TVs and a free cord of wood. Anyone?

Sally: Let's just take the loss and pretend this whole thing never happened.
Dick: Say goodbye to this pathetic kitchenette with its two inches of counter space. Hardly room for poor Don to shave his back in the morning. And we'll never get in that horrible pool again. Do you remember when we saw that thing in the water? And we didn't know if it was a bug or a turtle? It turned out to be... kind of both.
Mary: I have never seen you run that fast.
Sally: Oh, me neither.
Dick: I worked up quite an appetite.
Sally: And then we came back here and tried to jam a frozen pizza into that tiny oven.
Don: Yeah, and then we put out the fire with Mary's sweater. It went up like a... cashmere sweater!
Sally: I know!
Mary: At least we were warm for a little while. [all laugh]
Dick: Funny. In spite of everything, we've ended up with some pretty special memories.
Sally: Maybe this crummy time-share just needs a little love.
Don: Someone to give it a slap of paint.
Mary: Or just hose it down.
Dick: You know something? I believe that, like the mushrooms growing in the corner, our love for this place can only multiply. This is home.