Michael Scott: I had no idea when I got into that car to go to New York that I was going to be quitting. I got on the ramp, and I was like, "Two hours, two hours to go. Feelin' good. Crank some tunes. Should have peed before I left."
Kelly: Michael, get to the good part.
Michael Scott: So, I get up to the building. Revolving door broken. So I have to take the normal door.
Kelly: Oh, my God.
Oscar: At least he's in the building.
Michael Scott: No. No, I was so nervous, it was the wrong building. I had walked into the wrong building.

Pam: OK, focus, focus. You're in the right building. You're with the right people. What happened?
Michael Scott: I looked at Wallace and I said, "I quit." And as I turned to leave, I looked back and I said, "You have no idea how high I can fly."
Stanley: You didn't tell him how sick of him you were?
Michael Scott: Why would I do that?
Angela: Well, wouldn't it feel good to tell him that he's incompetent?
Kevin: That he's wasted.
Meredith: Maybe spit in his face.
Michael Scott: You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it.

Kevin: Michael, is that scotch?
Michael Scott: Scotch and Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch. [slurping, then shaking the glass at Oscar] Clinky clinky clink. Come on. Come on, come on.

Stanley: Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs.
Michael Scott: I have a job.
Andy: For four more days.
Pam: Do you have any leads on a job?
Michael Scott: Pam, what you don't understand, at my level, you don't just look for a job. You are headhunted.

Kevin: Pam, when will the new copier be ready?
Pam: I'm working on it, Kev.
Kevin: You said it would be ready by today. And it is today.
Pam: It'll be ready soon.
Kevin: "Soon" could mean anything. "Soon" could be three weeks.
Pam: Is that what "soon" means to you?
Kevin: Sometimes.
Pam: Then come back soon.

Michael Scott: Pam, listen, this order form... Instead of "Dunder Mifflin", is there any way I could get it to say something else?
Pam: Like "Michael Scott Paper Company"?
Michael Scott: You- Oh. Somebody's been talking in bed. Pillow talk.

Michael Scott: I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, to come work for me.
Oscar: Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research? Financials?
Michael Scott: No, no, no.
Oscar: You need those things. Most new businesses, they don't make a profit till at least two years. And then your margins will be razor-thin. Best-case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go five years without a salary, Michael?
Michael Scott: Okay.
Oscar: Five years?
Michael Scott: Okay. You already have the job. You don't have to convince me.
Oscar: It's just not prudent, Michael.

Kevin: I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy, and he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there.

Pam: Michael, wait! I'm coming with you.
Michael Scott: You are?
Pam: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Okay. It's gonna be great.
Pam: Great. Uh. Except I don't want to be a receptionist anymore.
Michael Scott: Right. Executive assistant.
Pam: Salesman.
Michael Scott: All right. Okay. Deal.
Pam: Deal.

Michael Scott: Okay. We don't have much time. Just act normal. Don't look at me. Stop. Don't look down. He's gonna see me. Not all the way up. Keep 'em at a normal height, OK? This is not Michael Scott talking right now. This is your future. Hello, I am your future. You are older and you are very happy now because you went with Michael Scott, right? So everybody, come on down, and let's just crawl out of here together. All right? Come on. Are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? Everybody who's gonna go with me, I want you to stomp your foot. Okay. All right. Come on. You're coming with me. Come on, Phyllis. Here we go. Here we go.