Michael Scott: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say, that's crazy. I say, "Let them eat cake." Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Dwight K. Schrute: I don't care what Jim says. That is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.

Michael Scott: Hello, everyone. As you know, we are six days away from Phyllis' wedding. So get your suits to the dry cleaners and get your hair did. And Karen, you might wanna invest in a dress or a skirt of some kind if you don't already have one. This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. It's my job to insure that none of you look like ragamuffins. So I am instituting prima nocta.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Prima nocta, I believe, from the movie Braveheart and confirmed on Wikipedia, is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night. So...
[later:]
Michael Scott: I'm sorry, I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant.

Michael Scott: Here are some things that I want to teach you that your mother won't be able to. To jump-start a car, first, pop the hood. Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then, you take these and clip them wherever. Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra.
Pam: What?
Michael Scott: We will demonstrate on Pam.
Pam: No.
Michael Scott: And-
Pam: No.
Michael Scott: Come on. [removing a bra from Dwight] You just twist your hand until something breaks.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ow!
Michael Scott: Well, you get the picture. Thanks, Pam. And remember, no matter what, I will always love you.