Dwight K. Schrute: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come, and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son, he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Jim: Today's a big day. Today's the day that I show Pam the house that I bought for us. Without telling her. But it's my parents' house, the house I grew up in. And yeah, I bought it kind of impulsively. I mean, the price was good and I was helping out my mom. It's got shag carpets. I mean, you can't blame my parents, it was the '70s. And why would you wanna buy ugly wood from trees when you can have paneling and a painting of some creepy clowns that is apparently crucial to the integrity of the building? She's gonna love it. Right?

Michael Scott: I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Scream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy, and then the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. Learned a lot of lessons from that movie. This is just one of them.

Michael Scott: I learned a while back, that if I don't text 911, people'll not return my calls. But now people always return my calls, because they think that something horrible has happened.

Dwight K. Schrute: I thought you were gonna parcel those out through the day?
Michael Scott: Would you stop it? You haven't done anything helpful all day.
Dwight K. Schrute: There's still one thing we can do to get Toby fired.
Michael Scott: What's that?
Dwight K. Schrute: Frame him for using drugs.
Michael Scott: Frame him?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, it's illegal. But everything they do on The Shield is illegal.

Michael Scott: I've never framed a man before. Have you?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, I've framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage.

Michael Scott: Just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.

Jim: So, if you can believe it, I did it without a realtor. Saving on closing costs is good. And, uh, we can put all of the money to de-shag the carpet. Which I think will help the color situation. Yeah, I am really sorry about this.
I tried to move it, but he is really nailed in there. Worried about art theft, I guess. A lot of art thieves in this neighborhood. This is the master bedroom. But I'm actually not allowed in here, so. I'm still in the process of converting the garage. It's got great light in here. And I was thinking it could be perfect for an art studio.

Ryan: You taking two?
Kelly: Yeah, but one of them is for Toby.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica?
Kelly: I'm just gonna hand it to him right now.
Michael Scott: Okay, weirdo.
Jim: Why- Why's that weird?
Michael Scott: She said she was gonna give it to him right now.
Jim: She's probably going to, cause they sit next to each other.
Michael Scott: Yeah, they used to.
Jim: Toby works here again.
Michael Scott: Oh, can you imagine?
Jim: Oh, no. You don't know.
Michael Scott: I don't know. What?
Jim: You should probably just meander back there, take a look, see if he's- See if he's back.
Michael Scott: Dare I? You know what? I'm going to. For old time's sake. [walking to the annex] Great practical joke, Jim. Got me to go to the annex. [turns around to see Toby]
Toby: Hi, Mich-
Michael Scott: No! God! No, God, please no! No! No! No!

Phyllis: Where's your place?
Jim: Oh, it's on Linden Ave., by the quarry.
Phyllis: Oh.
Creed: Cool beans, man. I live by the quarry. We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there.
Jim: Definitely, we should.