Mike Quote #624
Quote from Mike in War of the Hecks
Frankie: So, hey. I'm gonna assume you haven't researched how to get a dog to like you, but I have.
Mike: You can research how to get a dog to like you? Is that what the internet's for?
Frankie: Mm-hmm. A lot of good tips here, Mike. Oh, this is something that seems made for you and your face problem. It says you should make sleepy eyes and then yawn so it makes the dog feel like you're not intimidating.
Mike: Yeah, I'm not doing that. Next.
Frankie: Okay. Give it treats. Keep little pieces of meat in your pocket.
Mike: Frankie, I ate salsa for dinner. Any meat in my pocket's going in my mouth.
Frankie: Okay, well, here's the list. You may peruse it at your leisure.
Mike: I didn't put this much effort into raising our kids.
Axl: [o.s.] You're so dead! [Sue screams]
Frankie: Clearly.
The Middle Quotes
‘War of the Hecks’ Quotes
Quote from Brick
Axl: Hey, buddy! How would you like to play this new game I invented? I call it "Extreme Room Makeover, Brick Edition." Ahh!
Brick: If it's anything like your other games, "Hamper Hostage", "Drier Ride", and "Toilet Explorer", I think I'll pass. Besides, I've got a new book I'm very excited about and wish not to be disturbed.
Axl: Unsinkable by Debbie Reynolds?
Brick: It's on the branch librarian's list of winter must-reads. She was dead-on about Nora Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck, and this is supposed to be just as good.
Axl: Mm, okay. Here's the thing, Brick. [clears throat] It's not exactly a choice. Now, you can help me, or your book can be the next contestant on Toilet Explorer, and I'm guessing it's really not that unsinkable.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Sorry, Margie. Just not my cup of tea. I don't think I'm the target audience. Really looking forward to Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood, though. [whispers] Ya-Ya.
Quote from Axl
[Brick holds up a CD of Mariah Carey's "Merry Christmas" album]
Axl: Keep.
Brick: Keep?
Axl: Whatever. Just keep. I don't care. Just keep it.