Frankie: Okay, Aunt Edie. I finally got her to go. She went number three, so... I'm just gonna change her diaper, bleach my hands, and then hit the road. [gasps] What the-- Aunt Edie! [puts out kitchen fire] Aunt Edie... [carries the frying pan over to Aunt Edie]
Aunt Edie: Oh, no, thank you, dear. I couldn't eat a thing.
Frankie: Aunt Edie, I don't know if you're okay here by yourself anymore. I'm worried about you.
Aunt Edie: I'm worried about you. You'll never get a man if you can't cook.
Frankie: You know, if you ever get confused, you can always call. Remember we bought you this new phone? There's pictures of me and Janet and mom on it. So if you ever need help, or you just want to talk to me, all you have to do is push my face.
Aunt Edie: [pushes Frankie's face, literally] Hello?

Sue: Hey, Mom. Since this is my first big high school dance, I just wanted to go over some ground rules with you so you wouldn't be worried.
Frankie: Oh, yes, I was definitely gonna want to go over ground rules.
Sue: I went to kickinitteenstyle.com to check curfew recommendations on their "How late? Debate." Their rule of thumb is 11:00 PM unless you've earned your parents' trust, in which case, it'd be midnight. Have I earned your trust, Mom?
Frankie: You have, but Darrin hasn't, and he's just so dumb. I'll see you at 11:00.

Frankie: [v.o.] The first warm day of spring. After being cooped up all winter, kids all over America are bouncing off the walls to get outside... Except one.
Brick: [Mike opens the curtains] Ah!
Mike: Come on, Brick. It's a nice day. Go outside.
Brick: Why are you punishing me?
Mike: You're not being punished. You should want to go outside and play.
Brick: No, thanks.
Mike: Okay, then you're being punished. Go outside. Ah, no book.
Brick: What do kids even do outside?
Mike: I don't know. Run, frolic, poke something with a stick...