Michael Quote #201

Quote from Michael in The Snowplow

Chidi: Before we begin, Trevor is dropping out of the study. He sent me an email last night. "I'm sad to inform you that I am too ugly and stupid to be in the study and I'm going home to my mummy."
Michael: [in the observation room] That was me. I wrote that email!

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‘The Snowplow’ Quotes

Quote from Jason

Simone: Jason? You OK there, mate?
Jason: No. I have to watch the Jaguar games alone, on my computer at like three in the morning on Mondays. It's so annoying. Everything here is in a... I don't know how to describe it, like... a different zone of time. No, that sounds stupid. A different clock land.

Quote from Janet

Cashier: G'day, how can I help you?
Michael: One scratch-off lottery ticket, please!
Janet: Oh! Not that one. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. [quietly to Michael] These tickets were printed before we got down here. I know which ones are the winners! [to the cashier] And... stop! That's the one. Good ol' lucky number 186 from the bottom!
Cashier: Here you go.
Janet: Also! That bathroom key that you lost nine months ago, slid under the register. And the woman that you think is your aunt is actually your mum. OK, bye!

Quote from Tahani

Tahani: I'll watch the game with you, Jason! I enjoy American football. I actually dated a player once. But he wasn't my type, so I set him up with my friend Gisele... Bundchen.
Eleanor: Yeah, we got it. We always get it.

Michael Quotes

Quote from The Funeral to End All Funerals

Michael: Let's focus on the big picture here. Free of Earth's complications and its unintended consequences, the other three improved a lot. Chidi got 38% more confident. Simone got 43% more flexible in her judgments of people, and John didn't call one single person the C-word.
Judge: But he did yell the C-word at himself as well as a pack of squirrels and a chair he tripped over.
Shawn: Why are we even still discussing this? Brent got worse. If humans can't be good with their needs magically met, maybe they're just not that good.
Judge: He's right; the evidence needed to be overwhelming. I can't just turn the whole afterlife upside down because three people got a little bit better.
Michael: But don't forget. There's a lot of evidence that Eleanor, Jason and Tahani got better in the original experiment, so that's six people. That's the number of friends in Friends. Are you gonna sit there and say that every single Friend belongs in hell? I mean, maybe Ross and Rachel... and Monica and Joey, and definitely Chandler... but Phoebe?

Quote from Leap to Faith

Michael: How did they get Janet's bracelets off? It's literally impossible for a human to do. It's like breathing underwater or driving without texting.

Quote from Chillaxing

Michael: I still don't have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. You guys are often happy when you should be sad and angry when you should be happy, and texting when you should be driving, which is not an emotion, I know, but it's insane. The point is, in this case, even if it's not rational, you're allowed to feel a little angry. Let yourself off the hook. Process it and work your way through it, and then get your shirt together. Because we have a lot of work to do.