Michael Quote #73
Quote from Michael in Michael's Gambit
Shawn: What makes you think that you can get them to do this?
Michael: Because they won't even know that they are doing it. I'm going to make them think that they are in the Good Place, and to make sure that they drive each other insane, I will be there, posing as a Good Place architect. I even stole a Good Place Janet we can use. Look, we can just send them all to the hot spike pits with the lava and the bees and the lightning that tears off their flesh. Let's try something new. I cannot predict everything that's gonna happen, but we'll improvise. We'll... we'll be on our toes. I think that we can get them to torture each other... for 1,000 years.
Shawn: I think you'd be lucky to get six months out of this insane gambit. But take me through it. How would this work, exactly?
Michael: Oh. Yes, all right, so... [clears throat] This is a 14 million-point plan.
Fire Monster: Um... oh, sorry. I thought we reserved the conference room.
Michael: No, Todd, we have it until 3:00.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Michael's Gambit’ Quotes
Quote from Eleanor
Eleanor: Ready when you are, boss.
Chidi: Eleanor, what's going on?
Eleanor: It took me a while to figure it out, but just now as we were all fighting and yelling at each other and each one of us demanding we should go to the Bad Place, I thought to myself, "Man, this is torture." And then it hit me. They're never gonna call a train to take us to the Bad Place. The can't, because we're already here. This is the Bad Place.
Michael: [wicked laugh] Oh, man! I can't believe you figured it out. [laughs] Oh, God! Y-you ruined everything, you know that?
Quote from Shawn
Shawn: Do you remember what I told you when you predicted you could do this for 1,000 years?
[flashback:]
Michael: The time has come to innovate. The human afterlife can be more fun. For us, obviously, not for the people we're torturing. Who cares about those dummies? [laughs] I present to you the perfect recipe for my proposed experiment. Four people, perfectly suited to make each other miserable. I'm going to design an afterlife where they torture each other.
Shawn: We've tried this. Humans are very reticent to torture each other. Even getting them to do simple things like pulling out each other's teeth is like... I can't think of the right analogy.
Quote from Eleanor
Eleanor: Oh, it looks like paradise, but it's actually a filthy dumpster full of our worst anxieties. I'm surrounded by people who are literally better than me. Just me being here forced Chidi into an ethical "clusterfork." Tahani tortured Jason by constantly trying to get him to talk, Jason tortured me because I was sure he would blow our cover, which was torture for Chidi, because he was responsible for me, which made Chidi seem like the perfect soul mate, and that tortured Tahani because he didn't love her.
Tahani: You don't love me?
Chidi: Please, don't ask me that right now.
Eleanor: See? We've been torturing each other since the moment we arrived, and everything Michael has done has made at least one of us miserable. He played us like a fiddle.
Jason: Oh, dip! Eleanor, I told you that first night that we were in a prank show.
Eleanor: Oh, yeah. You did! Great job, man. [they high-five]