Blanche: Listen, let's make a pact. If we decide to keep this house, we're gonna limit the number of relatives that get to come to visit.

Rose: [knock on door] I wonder who that could be.
Dorothy: I'm sure it's no one.
Stan: Hi, it's me, Stan.
Dorothy: See? What did I tell you?

Dorothy: Stanley, what do you want?
Stan: I need to borrow a car.
Dorothy: No.
Stan: Doesn't anybody want to know why I need to borrow a car?
All: No.

Dorothy: All right, Stanley. Why do you want to borrow the car?
Stan: Ah! I am involved in a new business venture, Stan's Pizzas. The gimmick is I can deliver a pizza faster to your house than Domino's. There's only one problem.
Rose: What?
Stan: It's impossible. I cracked up my car trying.
Rose: So the reason you want to use our car is so you can deliver pizzas?
Stan: No. Actually, what I would really like for you girls to do is be my drivers. I belong in the front office - supervising, franchising, teasing the high-school girls that work for me. I sense I may have just lost you. Ah, what the hell. I'm out of the pizza business. Is there anything else to eat?

Dorothy: Stanley, why do you always end up here when you have a problem?
Stan: You're my best friends.
Blanche: But we don't like you.
Stan: I know, but you're still my best friends.
Rose: Well, you can't depend on coming around here forever. Blanche is thinking about selling the house.
Stan: Selling our house? You can't be serious. We've had great times here.
Dorothy: We have had great times here. You've just had free food.
Stan: That is not true. We've had a million laughs under this roof.

Stan: We've certainly had some good times, haven't we, girls?
Dorothy: Yes, we have, and we'd like to have more, so would you please leave, Stanley?

Blanche: Girls, I've made a decision.
Rose: What is it, Blanche? [phone rings]
Blanche: There are just too many precious memories in this house. I'm not about to trade them in for a few lousy dollars.
Sophia: It's Yakamora. He's doubled his offer.
Blanche: Tell him we'll be out by the first of the month.

Rose: Couldn't sleep either, Dorothy?
Dorothy: No, Rose.
Rose: Are you upset because Blanche is gonna sell the house and we can't live together?
Dorothy: No, I'm upset because Joe Piscopo didn't get the lead role in Rain Man. Oh, of course I'm upset about the house.

Sophia: Dorothy, please don't send me back.
Dorothy: Ma, I am not sending you back to Shady Pines.
Sophia: Oh, my God! She found a cheaper home. Blanche, please, please don't sell the house. What the hell is that holding up your stockings?

Rose: Well, it's too late to do anything until morning. We might as well get some sleep.
Blanche: I can't sleep. I'm wound up tighter than the girdle on a Baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
Dorothy: Wow, that's tight.