Lucas: Dorothy, I didn't mean to intrude without calling, but I didn't sleep last night for thinking about you.
Dorothy: Oh, no intrusion. I was afraid that I'd never see you again.
Lucas: Never see me again? I'd buy a julep for the ghost of General Grant before I'd let that happen.
Dorothy: Oh, I was hoping you'd say that.

Lucas: Dorothy, will you marry me?
Dorothy: Oh, Lucas! Oh, yes. Oh! Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Blanche: No, no, no, no, no! No! What in hell is wrong with you two? But you just -You just- I don't know what to say!
Dorothy: Well, whatever you decide, make sure you start with "Aunt Dorothy."

Blanche: Wait! Wait a minute, wait! What in hell's the matter with you two? You just met! You don't even know each other!
Lucas: [touching noses] This is how the Eskimos do it, Dorothy.
Blanche: Listen, whatever it is you might think you're feeling, it's just your hormones playing tricks on you.
Dorothy: The ears now! [touching ears]
Blanche: Oh! My God! What have I done?

Sophia: All right, all right. Now, listen, Johnny Reb. You marched through my front door a total stranger and asked for my daughter's hand in marriage without telling me two words about yourself.
Lucas: What do you wanna know?
Sophia: Do you have any money?
Lucas: Quite a bit, ma'am.
Sophia: Your mother, is she still alive?
Lucas: No.
Sophia: She is now. [Blanche faints]

Lucas: Well, Dorothy, it was very sweet of you to join me tonight. Am I safe in assuming that your first hardware convention is also your last?
Dorothy: Does a roofing nail have a flat head?
Lucas: Oh, you were actually paying attention.

Rose: Anyway, I've be doing a lot of soul searching, and as long as the family isn't gonna be together anymore, it's just not gonna be the same. So I've decided I'm gonna move in with my daughter, Kirsten. I think that's best.
Blanche: Leave? You are going to leave? Rose, you can't do that! Well, you see? Do ya? Because of your $1.98 romance, you are destroying the family! You are destroying the family, and I'm gonna be all alone!

Sophia: [ringing a triangle] Cocktails!
Dorothy: Oh, how classy. A tribute to Hop Sing.

Blanche: A terrible mistake has been made here, and I'm the one who made it. See, I thought you all would go out once, and--and eat a boring dinner, and tell each other a couple of boring stories, and then get back to your boring lives. No harm done. But somehow, some way, you seem to have taken a liking to each other. You believe you were meant to be together. Well, let me tell you what I see. I see- I see a miracle. I see two people who've been afraid to reach out, afraid to take that first step toward real feeling. Two people gazing into each other's eyes and--and sharing each other's concerns, caring about each other's happiness. I see two people in love. I was tryin' to drive a wedge between you because I didn't want to be left alone, but I'm ashamed of that now. So I'm not going to oppose this union. I'm gonna celebrate it. I'm gonna lift a glass to it. I'm gonna ask God to bless it. Lucas, Dorothy, from the bottom of my heart, congratulations. I love you both.

Dorothy: Ma, please. We're trying to have a private moment.
Sophia: Private, please. What's private? I diapered you.
Dorothy: Yeah, but you didn't diaper Lucas.
Sophia: I'd like to. Ah, listen to me, I'm as giddy as a 60-year-old.

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, good, you're here. Listen Um, well, this is going to be our final night together here, and, well, we thought it might be our last chance to say-
Dorothy: No, don't say it. Don't say goodbye. This is not goodbye. I don't want to turn this into a sad thing.
Rose: Me, neither. I promised myself I wasn't going to cry. I'm going to laugh instead. [feigning laughter]