Rose: Oh, Dorothy.
Blanche: Oh, you're beautiful.
Sophia: Oh, pussycat, look at you. But to tell you the truth, I was hoping you'd use my wedding dress.
Dorothy: That's nice, Ma. As what? A hand puppet?

Dorothy: Look, Lucas, no offense, but hardware doesn't sound terribly romantic. So when you come by tomorrow, why don't you tell Blanche that you took me to hear the Emerson String Quartet?
Lucas: I love it. Do you think they might buy that afterwards we frolicked in the ocean?
Dorothy: Oh, gosh, I haven't frolicked since... Uh, well, since... Since the day I dropped my mother off at Shady Pines. Coincidentally, that was the last time I did a cartwheel. It was a good day.

Blanche: Well, all right, Rose, how does it make you feel?
Rose: To be honest, a little bit like Mr. Snuffles.
Sophia: Blanche, would you mind? You're closer to the knife drawer.
Rose: One summer, when I was a little girl, Henrietta, our pig, gave birth to a litter of six. And the next day, my father won the annual St. Olaf watermelon-seed spitting contest and he brought home a prize piglet.
Blanche: Mr. Snuffles.
Rose: Exactly.
Sophia: You're listening?
Rose: Anyway, I loved Mr. Snuffles. I watched him grow. I suffered with him. The way Henrietta's brood made him feel like such an outsider. It was an awful thing to see.
Sophia: Hey, hearing it is no walk in the park.
Rose: Mr. Snuffles never did get over his feeling of alienation. He grew fat and despondent. The last report we had on him, he stowed away in a truck to Chicago and tearfully surrendered himself to the Oscar Mayer people. I don't want that to happen to me, Sophia.

Blanche: Girls, you will never believe what happened to me at the supermarket yesterday.
Rose: Um, you were in a real hurry and you needed to go through the express lane, but you had 25 items, so you went through three times. Once with ten items, once with nine items, and once with six items.
Blanche: No, Rose. What kind of a moron would do that?

Blanche: Anyway, I ran into this man at the produce counter, and he asked me to play tennis with him tonight. But I forgot that Big Daddy's baby brother, my dearest and nearest relative, is flying in at 7:00. This is such a dilemma! Whatever am I gonna do?
Rose: Blanche, it doesn't sound like a dilemma at all.
Blanche: You know, Rose, you're right. Family you can see any time. But a one-night stand only happens one night.

Sophia: [dressed as a southern maid] Well, if it ain't the kinfolk!
Dorothy: Ma, where did you get that outfit?
Sophia: I bought it. Figured five Halloweens, it'll pay for itself. Hope you brought your appetite, young fella. I know you're gonna be pleased with the dinner. Corn pone, succotash, collard greens. And them's just the appetizers!
Rose: Sorry to interrupt, everybody, but I have an announcement to make.
Sophia: A mess o' something. I'll skeer us up a mess o' something.

Dorothy: Honey, I'm glad you're okay with Ma's coming to live with us in Atlanta. I really think she'd be a little lost without me.
Lucas: It's my pleasure, Dorothy. I can see how close the two of you are. And how close you are to Rose and Blanche.
Dorothy: Well, we've all learned a lot from each other. I mean, Ma taught me life does not end because you've reached a certain age. And I've become much more comfortable with my sexuality because of Blanche. And Rose has taught me... Rose has taught me...
Lucas: It's not important.
Dorothy: No, wait, no, I can do this. Rose has taught me...
Lucas: Let it go.
Dorothy: I need some time with this. Anyway, because of them I feel that I'm ready to love you. A square knot! Rose taught me how to tie a square knot.

Rose: Oh, Sophia, I'm glad you're here. You know I'm moving in with Kirsten tomorrow, and in a way, I'm gonna be the Sophia of that household. And... Well, how do you do it?
Sophia: So, you wanna be a Sophia? Okay. Lesson one. Criticism. I think it makes adult children stronger. It also makes them self-conscious, which I think is funnier. Okay, you're talking to your loved ones, complete this sentence. "I'm tired of spending time with you miserable" A. Gypsies. B. Bottom feeders. C. Howler monkeys.
Rose: Howler monkeys.
Blanche: Howler monkeys.
Sophia: The correct answer is C. Howler monkeys!

Reverend: Dearly beloved, we are assembled here in the sight of God and these witnesses to join this man and this woman in matrimony, to marry them husband and wife in both interest and destiny.
Dorothy: [inner monologue] I'm here. I'm standing here and he's standing there. And I actually love him. I love the man. And not out of desperation. Dorothy Zbornak has finally conquered her desperation!
Reverend: Dorothy-
Dorothy: I do! [all laugh]
Lucas: Oh, what the heck. I do, too.

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy! Oh, Dorothy! Oh, Dorothy. Dorothy.
Dorothy: Listen, Lucas is waiting. You're angels. All of you. [exits, then returns the lanai door]
Dorothy: Oh, God, I'm going to miss you! Oh!
Blanche: Dorothy! Dorothy!
Dorothy: Oh, listen, I- We have a flight. I should- You'll always be my sisters. Always. [exits]
[The girls look to the lanai, then to the kitchen door. After a moment, they hug each other.]