Murray Quote #82
Murray: Barry, you can't do this act. I speak from experience.
Barry: What are you talking about?
Murray: When I was your age, I was the funniest guy on the football team.
Barry: Funny? Since when are you funny?
Murray: I'm plenty funny, okay? I was hilarious. I used to tell dirty jokes, I'd snap guys with a towel. I gave everybody a nickname, like, uh, Pretty Boy and Shorty.
Barry: Those are terrible nicknames.
Murray: Shorty wasn't short. As a matter of fact, he was a giant.
Barry: Oh, my God.
Murray: Had a gland problem. Actually sad stuff.
Barry: What's the point to this?
Murray: The point is, the coach said, "Murray, you're a card. Why don't you host the pep rally?" So, I did. I get up there, I realize I've only got one minute of material. One minute! I bombed in front of the whole school. They threw peaches at me.
Barry: Why'd they have peaches?
Murray: I don't know! They weren't even in season! All I know is, I don't want you to go through what I went through. Please don't do your act. I'm begging you!
Barry: So you think I'm gonna suck?
Murray: No, son. I know you're going to suck.
The Goldbergs Quotes
‘Kara-Te’ Quotes
Quote from Mr. Glascott
Mr. Glascott: I can't take this anymore. You want your kids in, they're in.
Pops: Oh, great! Which one?
Mr. Glascott: I don't know! Both of them? None of them? I really don't care! I mean, it's a stupid freakin' high school talent show! I had one moment of weakness where I tried to do something kind for your son. I apologize! All I care about now is that I owe 20 grand in student loans, I live in a studio apartment above a steaming hot dry cleaner, and I have a second job where I work as a pizza man, and occasionally I get to deliver pizzas to my students. Oh, also I have a parrot that I can't get rid of. They live for 80 years. Did you know that? Nobody tells you about that. You have to put them in your will! It's a nightmare! So, yeah, do whatever you wanna do, 'cause I really don't care!
Quote from Barry
Barry: I can't go out there!
Adam: What?!
Barry: I can't do it! Dad was right. I'm gonna humiliate myself. They're gonna throw peaches at me!
Adam: Peaches? Who has peaches? What are you talking about?
Quote from Barry
Barry: Well, I got news for you. The audience won't throw peaches. They'll throw flowers. And cheers! And boobs! Naked boobs! Everywhere! Just you watch. Watch! Boobs! Naked!