Philip: What took you so long?
Vivian: Oh, I just spent an hour chasing my outfit on the new rotating dress rack.
Philip: Why didn't you set the variable speed adjuster?
Vivian: Philip, these gadgets are making my life miserable.
Philip: Baby, you're the one that's wanted to redecorate.
Vivian: Well, yeah, I wanted to keep up with the Joneses, honey, not the Jetsons!

Geoffrey: Another minute, madam, and perhaps we'll have a diamond.
Vivian: I don't know why Philip insisted on putting in all these new gadgets. To heat something up, I have to be Lt. Uhura of the Starship Enterprise.

Ashley: Takeout food again?
Vivian: Well, we were having leg of lamb but I accidentally put the oven on self-cleaning and now the door won't open.
Hilary: Takeout again?
Vivian: No, Hilary, I bought a new set of Styrofoam.
Carlton: Gosh, Mom, who put the rusty nails in your granola?
Vivian: Look, all this hi-tech has got me a little on edge. I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Philip: Takeout food again? What happened to the leg of lamb?
Vivian: It's being cleaned! Is that a problem?

Philip: Geoffrey, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you.
Geoffrey: Mrs. Banks sent me on some errands. That is my job. I am but a lowly servant.
Philip: Geoffrey, it took some doing, but I managed to get you a ticket.
Geoffrey: Thank you sir. I am most grateful. Now I won't have to slash your tires.

Will: [sings] I'm stuck in a basement Sittin' on a tricycle Girl gettin' on my nerves Goin' out of my mind I thought she was fine Don't know if her body is hers

Kathleen: Forget it. I don't need you to do anything for me. Could you open this?
Will: Thought you ain't need me to do nothing for you.
Kathleen: Just open it.
Will: What's the magic word?
Kathleen: Now!
Will: [imitates buzzer] Guess again. Here, look, I can't open this thing.
Kathleen: I thought you supposed to be the big man.
Will: Look, you the one that's hungry. Use your fingernails.
Kathleen: Look, look. [removes artificial nails] Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Knock yourself out.
Will: Okay, look, Kathleen, in the last three hours you took out your eyeballs, your fingernails your eyelids, and your hair. Now what else on your body can I get at the mall?

Kathleen: Yeah, your mom sucks breath mints, too! And I never really thought your ears were cute, I just thought they were big.
Will: Yeah, well, a lot of women seem to find them extremely attractive.
Kathleen: Oh, yeah, like who? Dumbo's mother?
Will: Well, I'm sorry, but I couldn't find any Lee Press-On Ears.
Kathleen: You know, Will, I am so glad we got stuck down here together. It gave me a chance to see who you really are.
Will: You know, it gave me a chance to see who you really are, too. And most of you is in a pile over there on the floor!
Kathleen: Yeah, right next to your stupid teddy bear.
Will: Hey, hey, don't be dissing my bear!
Kathleen: Well, don't be dissing my hair.

Kathleen: Will? It's over, Will, we're all right.
Will: Nuh-uh. The ground moved, all right? The ground. The ground moved, all right? The ground moved!
Kathleen: Baby, it was just a little earthquake.
Will: Baby, no, listen, no. The ground moved, okay? The ground. The ground moved. Nobody was bothering it, it just moved, all right?
Kathleen: But it's over now, and we're fine.
Will: I am not fine, all right? I'm a grown man and I'm sitting under a table hugging a teddy bear. I am not fine.

Ashley: [sings] A-dab-a-doo time We'll have a gay old time [shouts] Wilma! [talks] So what do you want to sing?
Hilary: How about Go Away Little Girl?

Geoffrey: Why don't we listen to the radio? [classical music plays]
Carlton: With all due respect, Geoffrey, I'll pick the station.
Hilary: Let me do it.
Ashley: I'm not listening to that.
Carlton: Well, I'm not listening to that.
Hilary: Cut it out, you guys!
Ashley: You cut it out!
Hilary: Don't you talk to me like that!
Ashley: l will talk to you- [Geoffrey removes the radio dial and throws it out the window]
Carlton: Geoffrey, what did you do that for?
Geoffrey: It was either the knob or one of you.