Hilary: I can't stand this. Everyone has a date except me.
Will: What's the problem, Hil? I mean, come on. You're pretty, you're fun, you're intelli- Vision.
Hilary: Well, that's exactly the problem. I'm a celebrity and men are intimidated by me. I'm a beautiful woman trapped in an even more beautiful woman's body.

Will: Hey, hey, hey. Come on, man, let me have it. What's the problem?
Philip: Will, do you know what I'd do if I even thought for one second that you were anywhere near my problem?
Will: No, what?
Philip: I'd build a fence to keep you away. One with barbed wire and maybe a sniper up on the roof to pick you off just in case you got over the fence. And given the slightest chance that he'd miss, there'd be two rottweilers guarding my problem.
Will: You don't want my help, do you? I'll go.

Hilary: Any big plans tonight, Carlton?
Carlton: I have a date.
Hilary: With whom?
Carlton: Same lady I see every Saturday night. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.