Carlton: Well, Will, you've certainly made a name at this country club. I wouldn't be surprised if they revoked our shuffleboard privileges.
Will: That's fine with me, man. This place is wack. I'm out of here. Hold up. Special bulletin. Hormones to Will. Hormones to Will.
Carlton: Hold up yourself, Will. That's Mimi Mumford. You can't get to first base with her unless you impress her father. He's an eminent surgeon, a championship polo player and around these parts, he's known as Dr. No.
Will: Why do they call him that?
Carlton: Because he never says "yes." No young man is good enough for his daughter.
Will: Well, he ain't gonna have a chance to tell me no 'cause I ain't gonna ask.

Will: [talking like Carlton] And with your father's permission I'd love to escort you to the Apple Blossom ball.
Vivian: I had no idea you two were getting along so well.
Will: Hey, hey, hey.
Philip: What's going on here, Carlton?
Carlton: Will's got a thing for Mimi Mumford so I'm teaching him how to be a perfect gentleman.
Philip: Oh, I want a piece of this.

Philip: Whoa, where did he get that jacket?
Man: Probably off the rack. Say, did you hear about his Jaguar?
Philip: The one he bought secondhand?

Carlton: I beg your pardon, Dr. Mumford. I have a friend who's new in town. He's the new star on the crew team. Would you like to meet him?
Dr. Mumford: No.
Will: [talking like Carlton] I respect your wishes, sir... But I'd just like to say kudos on that polo match. Super form.
Dr. Mumford: Ah, you saw it, huh? Excuse me. I didn't get your name.
Will: Smithers, sir. Kip Smithers.
Dr. Mumford: Well, have a seat, Smithers.
Carlton: May I join you, sir?
Dr. Mumford: No.

Will: Yo, C! Come here!
Carlton: Mimi. Kip.
Will: Carlton, would you please tell her who I really am?
Carlton: Who you really are?
Will: Yes.
Carlton: He's Kip Smithers, from Connecticut. He transferred from Andover to Bel-Air, so he could row with the crew.
Will: No, no, no, no. Tell her where I'm really from.
Carlton: England? [After Mimi walks away, Will strangles Carlton]

Carlton: For future reference, Will, our club frowns on strangulation.
Will: This is all your fault, man. You got me into this mess.
Carlton: Me?
Will: Yeah! This preppy nonsense. I knew women didn't like that mess. If I would've had my way, I would've had my way.

Mimi: I thought you said he rode crew.
Will: Nah, nah, baby. You misunderstood. He said I wrote for the 2 Live Crew. But, see, they kicked me out because my lyrics was too abrasive.
Carlton: He's as nasty as he wants to be. I kid you not.
Will: Hey, baby. You look so good I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all. Yo, baby, Fresh Prince in full effect. It's time to get busy.

Will: Salutations, Doctor. This is quite an intense shindig, huh?
Dr. Mumford: Listen, I just wanted to find out how things are going with Mimi.
Will: Well, I'm having a little trouble breaking the proverbial ice, sir. And I really hope I don't embarrass myself, being in your illustrious presence and all.
Dr. Mumford: Oh, don't worry. I'll just make myself scarce but, I do have one piece of advice. Be yourself.
Will: That's a natch, sir.

Mimi: Now, what was you talking to my father about?
Will: Yo, baby, I told him if he don't stay out my face, we were gonna take it to the street. [sees Dr. Mumford] Baby, you close your eyes when you dance with me. Salutations yet again, Doctor.
Dr. Mumford: Just a thought. Mimi loves horses and you love polo I thought that might break the ice.
Will: Thanks for the prescription, Doc. Enough said.

Mimi: What were you talking to my father about this time?
Will: I wasn't listening to him, baby. I was stealing his wallet.
Mimi: Oh, Kip, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you before. I should have seen right through that thin charade. Hey, let's go someplace and get busy.
Will: Yes, ma'am.
Mimi: But first, I want you to rap for me.
Will: What?
Mimi: You know, let me hear some of them abrasive lyrics.
Will: Okay, baby. This one I got banned in Buffalo for. [raps] Um, I took you upstairs, Laid down your hairs, Me and you together, Forget about all our cares. [Dr. Mumford taps on Will's shoulder] And that is just the type of music we will not let our children listen to.