Previous Episode Next Episode 
Not with My Pig, You Don't

‘Not with My Pig, You Don't’

Season 1, Episode 4 - Aired October 1, 1990

Uncle Phil's parents, Hattie (Virginia Capers) and Joe (Gilbert Lewis), come to town when he is honored with a prestigious award.

Quote from Vivian

Philip: All right, that reporter's going to be here any minute. Does everybody remember what they're supposed to say? Hilary?
Hilary: Yes, Daddy.
Philip: Ashley?
Ashley: Yes, Daddy.
Philip: Vivian?
Vivian: What is this, the von Trapp family? Philip, I'm not about to parrot compliments for the benefit of some reporter.


Quote from Ashley

Susan: Mr. Banks, you're best known as the lawyer who won the landmark housing discrimination case Winston vs. Jones, but our readers want to know about Philip Banks the man.
Philip: Ah, well, I really don't like to blow my own horn. [clears throat]
Hilary: Growing up on the mean streets of Baltimore, Maryland, Philip Banks overcame great obstacles to win a scholarship to Princeton University in 1963.
Carlton: You know, Hilary, Princeton was the turning point in Philip Banks' life. It was then that he developed an interest in law and distinguished himself as a fine student earning himself a place at Harvard Law School.
Ashley: That's right, Carlton. But did you know that Philip Banks, in addition to becoming a partner of the prestigious law firm of Furth, Wynn, and Meyer remained active in the field of civil rights culminating in his crowning achievement in 1975 when he was elected to the board of the ASPCA.
Susan: ASPCA?
Carlton: I think Ashley means NAACP.
Ashley: Sorry, Daddy.

Quote from Will

Philip: Well, the community leaders are recognizing me for helping our brothers and sisters on the streets.
Will: But the only time I've ever seen you on the street is when you waiting for the valet to bring your car around.
Philip: Is that so, son? Well, let me tell you something. The '63 March on Washington? I was there. The '65 demonstrations at Selma, I was there. The '65 Watts Riots, I was there, too.
Will: Seems to me every place you go, trouble follows.
Vivian: Will, your uncle deserves this award. He's fought a lot of discrimination cases. He's prosecuted slumlords. He's started scholarship funds.
Will: All that and he still found time to vote for Reagan. Twice.

Quote from Will

Hattie: It's 3:00 in the morning, Will.
Will: How did you see me?
Hattie: Mama knows.
Will: Hey, look, Granny, um, please don't tell Uncle Phil. I'm just, like, a little bit past my curfew.
Hattie: How much is a little?
Will: Well, let's just say I went out after I was supposed to be in.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Oh, dear.
Vivian: Good, Geoffrey. You got the paper.
Geoffrey: Yes, madam.
Vivian: Make sure you buy the 100 copies that Mr. Banks wanted.
Geoffrey: Before we make such an investment, perhaps it might be wise for you to peruse the contents of this article.
Vivian: Oh, dear. Geoffrey, how on earth did they get a hold of all these stories?
Geoffrey: Madam, the press is made up of a very low type of person. You see what they've done to Fergie.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Give it to me. "The coveted Urban Spirit Award given to Los Angeles' outstanding Black leaders will be presented tonight to distinguished attorney Philip Banks." Oh, this is well-written. "Known to his barnyard companions as Zeke, Banks is no stranger to accolades. This ex-hog-handler slopped his way to the top with the help of his trusted companion, Melvin the pig." Who is responsible for this?
Will: [enters] Yo, yo, yo, yo. Hey, Uncle Zeke. I got your 100 black and whites.
Philip: I can't believe this. How did they get all these stories about the pig?
Will: All right, all right, all right. I wasn't going to tell you, but... [points to himself and smiles]
Philip: You!
Vivian: Will, honey run.

Quote from Philip

Philip: I must be kidding myself. I had it all planned out. There was my family, all lined up to meet the press. There I was, with my perfect image. Philip Banks pulled himself up from the streets with his own bootstraps. The only problem was, I didn't have it that hard. I had two parents who loved me and were always there for me and worked hard to make sure I'd have everything they never had.
Will: I mean, why are you worried so much about your image? The truth sounds real good to me.
Philip: I don't think my mother will ever forgive me.
Will: Man, you must be tripping. Granny's great. Just explain it to her.
Philip: Will, there's something you have to learn. Sometimes parents just don't understand. [Will looks to camera]

Quote from Carlton

Philip: I was at the office. I'm sorry I didn't call, but I wanted to rush home with the great news. What is the highest recognition a self-made Black professional can receive?
Hilary: A raise! [hugs Phil]
Philip: No, darling, it's not a raise. I'm getting the Urban Spirit Award.
Vivian: Oh, Philip, we're so proud of you.
Hilary: Is it a cash award?
Carlton: Hilary, don't be so shortsighted. This award is an honor, which leads to prestige, which leads to cash.

Quote from Hilary

Philip: I'd like you to meet my family. My wife Vivian my son Carlton, my daughters Hilary and Ashley.
Hilary: Pleased to meet you. So where's the photographer?
Susan: Your father sent a picture in already.
Hilary: Am I in it?
Susan: Yes, you are.
Hilary: Am I pretty?

Quote from Will

Will: You know, after living in Bel-Air, it was great to spend time at Disneyland to get back to reality.

Page 2