Fez: Did you know that I am a shampoo boy down at the beauty salon? Yes, ladies come from miles around to be touched by these magic hands.
Angie Barnett: Is that why they're all dry and chapped?
Fez: No. That's from my day off.

Donna: Fez, come on. Just tell us what Eric's up to.
Fez: Donna, if I learned anything from all my years as a virgin... It's that seeing it is much better than talking about it.

Kelso: Hey, thanks for coming down to meet my sister, man. I had dinner with her and my dad last night. And it was the first family dinner I'd ever been to where we didn't have to sneak out of the restaurant one at a time.
Donna: Man, Hyde, first a new dad, now a new sister? It's like you hit the orphan lottery.
Fez: Look, your dad's got a whole jar of Peppermint Patties. [laughs] That's class, baby.
Eric: That's nothing, you guys. I found 20 bucks just sitting on the desk, and I kind of want to steal it. Wow. I'm really starting to see the underbelly of not having a job.
Kelso: Check it out, Hyde. Your dad knows Skynyrd. I heard when you first meet them, if you just yell "Free Bird" really loud, they'll start playing it.