Jeff Quote #32

Quote from Jeff in Safety Training

Mateo: And I wish I could take it. But the truth is, um, I'm not really hurt.
Jeff: David, he's lying.
Mateo: I'm lying? What about all the times you said you were over Chad and you just jumped right back into bed with him?
Jeff: After you dumped me! I'm sorry, David. That's not relevant.
David: [on the line] That's okay. I have a gay son, so my views are very progressive.
Mateo: Okay, what about the time you said Jonah looks great in shirts? Yeah, were you lying or telling the truth then?
Jeff: I said he looks okay in shirts, but you wouldn't know that because you never listen.
Mateo: Because you add unnecessary details!
Jeff: You spent an hour talking about lavender!
David: Uh, it sounds like you guys still have some stuff to figure out. Jeff, why don't you take care of this and get back to me later, okay? Thanks. [Jeff hangs up]
Jonah: Well... that got silly.

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 ‘Safety Training’ Quotes

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: Cheese, what is it? Dried milk.
Amy: Uh, no. I don't think that's true.
Garrett: It is. It is, Amy. It's in a PowerPoint.
Marcus: Now, we all know the standard cheeses. American cheese, cheddar cheese, pizza cheese. But what if I told you there's one more out there?
Garrett: Pepper jack?
Marcus: No.
Jonah: Gouda?
Mateo: Swiss!
Glenn: Kraft Singles.
Dina: Goat, Parm, blue, ricotta. I could name at least ten more.

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: No, guys, stop just yelling out random words. You're throwing me off. But what if I told you there's one more out there? Human cheese! [all retch]
Jonah: Oh, my God, is that what this is?
Glenn: I've had five samples already.
Marcus: No, no, this is just cut-up string cheese. I don't have enough money for a prototype. But it'll basically be exactly like that, I think. So who's ready to invest in the breast? It'll be udder-ly amazing!
Sandra: That's cows.
Marcus: Damn it, Sandra! You're messing with my flow. Ugh. [exhales, shudders] Cheese, what is it? Dried milk.

 Jeff Quotes

Quote from Customer Satisfaction

Jeff: Okay, well, Zephra's looking at the scores and the comments, so it's important that you get positive feedback. Especially this store.
Dina: What's that supposed to mean?
Jeff: There's been some chatter that 1217 is a "problem child" store.
Glenn: What?
Jeff: I mean, you did damage the store's servers, there's the raccoon infestation, there's Carol's lawsuit, not to mention the multiple attempts at unionizing.
Dina: Well, yeah, of course it's gonna sound bad when you just rattle them off in a row like that. But if you interspersed them with good things we've done or just, you know, random trivia...

Quote from Cheyenne's Wedding

Mateo: Jeff!
Jeff: [whispers] Shh. This baby's asleep.
Mateo: Have you been at the wedding this entire time?
Jeff: Yes. You saw me when I came in, and then I think we made eye contact when we were both in line for the bathroom a while ago.
Mateo: I don't think so. I... Anyway, um, it's good to see you.
Jeff: Not you. I hate you.
Mateo: What?
Jeff: Yeah! You dumped me out of nowhere, so of course I hate you. It just sounds funny because I'm whispering. Because I don't want to wake the baby up because... [Harmonica cries] And thank you. Now she's awake. You just can't stop hurting me. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna trade you. You take her. She doesn't like to bounced, okay? [whispers] I hate you. Not you. I love you.