Jonah Quote #102
Quote from Jonah in Guns, Pills and Birds
Man: Can I take a look at that bolt action rifle?
Jonah: Yes, you may. All right, uh... Oh, hey, this one is expensive.
Man: It is. But I really want to treat myself today.
Jonah: Yeah.
Man: I just got laid off.
Jonah: Oh. I'm so sorry to hear that.
Man: Yeah, I'm pretty upset about it.
Jonah: How upset are you?
Man: Well, extremely. I worked there over 20 years, and then they just get rid of me like I'm trash? Well, they're gonna regret it.
Jonah: Service denied. Service denied.
Man: Excuse me?
Jonah: You just said you're upset and they were gonna regret it, so nope.
Man: 'Cause I'm the only one who understands the payroll software. I mean, who's gonna do it now? Monica?
Jonah: Look, I'm sorry I'm being overly cautious, but you know what? Why don't we try and find you a better hobby than this, you know? Have you ever considered fencing?
Man: No. Fencing sucks. [walks away]
Jonah: No, it doesn't.
Superstore Quotes
‘Guns, Pills and Birds’ Quotes
Quote from Dina
Dina: All right, in order for this to work, it is critical that we run at the crow at exactly the same speed, 8 miles per hour, got it?
Mateo: Yes, ma'am.
Dina: All right.
Mateo: Actually, I don't know how fast that is.
Dina: Sorry, sometimes I forget you're Asian. 13 kilometers per hour.
Mateo: I still don't...
Dina: It's 240 steps a minute.
Mateo: That doesn't mean anything to me.
Dina: Well, I don't know how to make it any clearer.
Mateo: You're just saying just run pretty fast, right?
Dina: "Pretty fast" is a relative term. What's your resting heart rate?
Mateo: I have no idea.
Dina: God, we're gonna have to figure it out now. Okay, take your pulse for ten seconds. You're gonna multiply that number by six.
Quote from Garrett
Jonah: Okay, look, I'm not... I'm not, like, against weapons as a whole. I fenced in college, but there's...
Garrett: [laughs] Okay.
Jonah: What? What are you doing?
Garrett: Oh, I'm keeping a list of all the crazy white-person stuff you say. Oh, fencing, that's definitely going on there.
Jonah: What else is on there?
Garrett: Oh, it's long. I got wearing boat shoes, BBC America, makes his own trail mix...
Jonah: You love my trail mix.
Quote from Myrtle
Myrtle: I don't wanna sell rice anymore. It doesn't taste like anything. And Oriental...