Garrett Quote #476
Woman: [on phone] You've made a wise choice. Ojai Medical is the ultimate source for all your medical needs.
Garrett: Well, I don't really have a medical need. I'm just retail worker who's trying to return a dialysis machine. The OM OptiFlow 800.
Woman: Sure. The OptiFlow is a revolution in the world of hemodialysis. With integrated bolus tracking, it's never easier...
Garrett: Hey, no, no, no. Look. I don't care how it works or what kind of tracking it has.
Bruce: Integrated bolus tracking.
Garrett: Right. I don't care. I just need the product number so I can get on with my life. [to another customer] What? Are you seriously trying to return that right now?
Woman: Yeah, I bought it at DCI Marine, but the website said I could return it here.
Bruce: Hope you're not in a hurry. [whispers] I think he's new.
Garrett: Come on.
Superstore Quotes
‘Biscuit’ Quotes
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: It is so nice to be out of quarantine and back running this store. God, I so missed talking to real people. You know, sometimes I pretended that the Nativity figurines in my garage were you guys. [to Jonah] You were the baby Jesus.
Jonah: That's... great. Thank you.
Quote from Cheyenne
Glenn: We've got a really exciting COVID announcement.
Cheyenne: Oh, my God, is it over? I don't know about you guys, but COVID has been, like, super annoying for me.
Jonah: Huh, yeah, now that you mention it, I'd have to give it a thumbs down.
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: Dina? I just found this in the store. We need to deal with that immediately.
Dina: "This is a threat. The store is in grave danger."
Glenn: Grave danger! That's, like, the worst kind of danger. You know, we need to beef up security, get this place on lockdown till we figure out what is going on. Well, I mean, you do, 'cause you're head of security.
Dina: I don't know about this. I mean, it's a pretty short message, and there aren't even any demands.
Glenn: Huh. Maybe they were in a rush. More to factor in to your investigation.
Dina: Cut out letters from a magazine? What is this, Scooby-Doo? Nah, I think someone's just screwing with us. Probably a kid or, you know, an adult with a recent traumatic brain injury. [laughs] Some dumb-ass spent a half an hour on that thing.
Glenn: [sighs] You didn't have to crumple it.