Garrett Quote #472
Bruce: Hi there. I would like to return this.
Garrett: Yeah, we don't take people's personal inventions.
Bruce: Oh, no, it's a dialysis machine. I don't need it anymore. My transplant took, and I'm producing an obscene amount of urine.
Garrett: Okay, well, we don't sell those here, so you're just gonna have to take it back to wherever you got it.
Bruce: Well, actually, the new Cloud 9 policy states that any item sold by Zephra or a Zephra subsidiary must be accepted as a return. See that? See?
Garrett: Uh, okay. I mean, I'm assuming that that is what it says. Where did you get it?
Bruce: Ojai Medical, which is owned by Malachite Solutions, whose parent company is... Zephra.
Garrett: Okay, didn't realize Zephra was in the medical game. Also never cared or thought about it. So let's do this, my man. On it. Just give me one second here. [keys clacking] [computer beeps] Hmm. [computer beeps] Wait. [computer beeps] Why is it... wait. Oh. [computer beeps]
Bruce: Maybe you need to call on somebody who's a little more tech savvy.
Garrett: What? I am tech savvy. Okay, I have three monitors at home. I haven't minimized a window in four years. Okay, why don't you just go browse around the store for a little bit?
Bruce: Right, yeah, I go browse, maybe I find a towel I like, I buy it, then you're laughing all the way to the bank.
Garrett: Yes, I benefit greatly from you buying a towel.
Superstore Quotes
‘Biscuit’ Quotes
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: It is so nice to be out of quarantine and back running this store. God, I so missed talking to real people. You know, sometimes I pretended that the Nativity figurines in my garage were you guys. [to Jonah] You were the baby Jesus.
Jonah: That's... great. Thank you.
Quote from Cheyenne
Glenn: We've got a really exciting COVID announcement.
Cheyenne: Oh, my God, is it over? I don't know about you guys, but COVID has been, like, super annoying for me.
Jonah: Huh, yeah, now that you mention it, I'd have to give it a thumbs down.
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: Dina? I just found this in the store. We need to deal with that immediately.
Dina: "This is a threat. The store is in grave danger."
Glenn: Grave danger! That's, like, the worst kind of danger. You know, we need to beef up security, get this place on lockdown till we figure out what is going on. Well, I mean, you do, 'cause you're head of security.
Dina: I don't know about this. I mean, it's a pretty short message, and there aren't even any demands.
Glenn: Huh. Maybe they were in a rush. More to factor in to your investigation.
Dina: Cut out letters from a magazine? What is this, Scooby-Doo? Nah, I think someone's just screwing with us. Probably a kid or, you know, an adult with a recent traumatic brain injury. [laughs] Some dumb-ass spent a half an hour on that thing.
Glenn: [sighs] You didn't have to crumple it.