Jonah: I'm so sorry to hear that your husband passed. What was his name?
Woman: Jeremy.
Jonah: Jeremy. And how long ago did he leave us?
Woman: Two years ago.
Jonah: Oh, bless his soul. Tell me more about him. He loved camping, and the outdoors and...
Mateo: Hey!
Jonah: Hold on, Mateo, she's in the middle of a lovely story. No, I found Jeremy in the camping section again.
Woman: This dog's name is Jeremy?
Mateo: Yep, little 2-year-old Jeremy.
Jonah: That's so crazy. You and I... You don't think...
Woman: Jeremy? Are you in there? [dog barks]

Jonah: I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but these dogs are actually celebrity dogs. Oh, this one over here, he was in a movie with George Clooney.
Man: Oh, cool.
Mateo: And this one is friends with John Leguizamo.
Man: I think I'll take the Clooney one.
Jonah: That's an excellent choice.
Mateo: Not a Leguizamo fan?

Dina: Move, I gotta pour one out.
Garrett: Hmm. "Employees are allotted one bathroom break per shift." You took one a little earlier. I know 'cause I wrote it down.
Dina: That was a false alarm. I barely went. We're talking less than a half an ounce.
Garrett: Hmm. What was it they said about rules? That's right, rules are rules.
Dina: You think this bothers me? I do a thousand kegels a day. I could break a walnut down there.

Mateo: I gotta say, we made a pretty good team. And I usually hate being in teams. I can get pretty competitive.
Jonah: You know what, I actually used to be the same way. It's why I burnt out of business school.
Mateo: I thought you flunked out.
Jonah: Well, I flunked out because I burnt out.
Mateo: Sounds like you're making excuses.
Jonah: Well, you weren't there so. Anyway, the point is I got super stressed about being the best in my class, and I ended up in the hospital with dehydration for two days.
Mateo: Wow.
Jonah: Yeah.

Garrett: Oh, what's the hurry?
Dina: Bathroom. I'm off the clock.
Garrett: Oh, you know what, restrooms are for customers only, and it doesn't appear that you've purchased anything. [Dina grabs a stapler] Oh, a stapler?
Dina: Yeah, I could use this.
Garrett: Sure you can. We could all use a stapler.
Dina: You're gonna pay for this tomorrow.
Garrett: Hmm, I don't work tomorrow.
Dina: Then the next day.
Garrett: Not until Sunday.
Dina: Sunday then. Sunday you will pay for... Oh wait, I'm not in Sunday. Damn it.
Garrett: This is so worth the two hours.
Dina: I hate you so much.

Glenn: Okay, I need two volunteers.
Mateo: Oh, right here, I'm first! Pick me!
Glenn: Okay, thank you, Mateo. Who else? [no hands go up] Anyone? [Garrett raises his hand] Garrett!
Garrett: Yeah, I just wanted to say no.

Dina: Hey, you forgot to clock in this morning.
Garrett: Oh, yeah, I came in behind Elias and got distracted. What's going on with his butt?
Dina: Make sure to clock in at some point so we can start paying you.
Garrett: Oh, hold up. Wait. I haven't been paid for the last two hours? Can't you just adjust the timesheet?
Dina: Can. Won't. Rules are rules.
Garrett: Are you being serious?
Dina: Yeah, I'm being serious, and "what's up" with Elias's butt is he started cycling. Obviously.

Glenn: I can call my church and see if they have an opening next week. Oh, and I get points in the gift shop for referrals.
Amy: No, Glenn, wait...
Glenn: [on the phone] Customer service, thank you.

Amy: No, marriage is hard. It's a big deal. It's gonna be one of the hardest things you ever do. It's not something you just want to rush into.
Glenn: Okay, hang on. Do you guys want a Black choir or a White choir?
Bo: Black choir.
Cheyenne: Definitely black choir.
Amy: I mean, I'm not really on board with this whole... Yes, a black choir, of course.
Glenn: [on the phone] We'll take Lucius and the Gang, thank you.

Jonah: I don't know why they bother calling it a shelter. They should just call it Doggie Death Row.
Mateo: I don't know why you're so upset. I thought you'd be jumping for joy by now. "Yay! Dead dogs! It's Jonah Christmas!"
Jonah: Look, we only have until 6:00 p.m to get all of these dogs homes. And the only way that we're gonna do that is by working to...
Mateo: We've got to work together. We got to work together if we're gonna do this. You up for that?
Jonah: Yes, it's a great idea.
Mateo: Great, we'll do my plan.