Jerry: You had sex with the cleaning woman on your desk? Who are you? How did you do that?
George: Hennigan's.
Jerry: Hennigan's?
George: I was there sitting in the office and the cleaning woman comes in. I've always been attracted to cleaning women. Cleaning women, chambermaids.
Jerry: Yeah, chambermaids, I'm attracted to them too.
George: Why is that?
Jerry: It's a woman in your room. So go ahead.

George: So she starts vacuuming, back and forth, back and forth, her hips swiveling, her breasts, uh...
Jerry: Convulsing?
George: Convulsing?
Jerry: I don't know, I'm trying to help you.
George: So then I asked her if she wanted a drink.
Jerry: You don't drink.
George: I know, but I couldn't think of anything else to say to her.
Jerry: So you started drinking.
George: So we started drinking, and I'll tell you, I don't know if it was the alcohol or the ammonia, but the next think I knew she was mopping the floor with me.
Jerry: So how was it?
George: Well, the sex was okay, but I threw up from the Hennigans.
Jerry: Good thing the cleaning lady was there.

Elaine: Dick was fired.
Jerry: You mean to tell me if I had put that drink six inches over to the right, and none of this would have happened?
Elaine: You knew he was an alcoholic. Why'd you put the drink down at all?
Jerry: What are you saying?
Elaine: I'm not saying anything.
Jerry: You're saying something.
Elaine: What could I be saying?
Jerry: Well, you're not saying nothing, you must be saying something.
Elaine: If I was saying something I would have said it.
Jerry: Well, why don't you say it?
Elaine: I said it.
Jerry: What did you say?
Elaine: Nothing. It's exhausting being with you.

George: I have to talk to Elaine. This cleaing lady is turning the screws on me. She's pushing for this whole relationship thing. She keeps calling me. She's threatening to go to the boss with this thing. I could lose my job, I gotta do something to keep her quiet.
Jerry: Elaine is in the bathroom. She's wise to whole red dot thing. She's asking me all kinds of questions.
George: Did you tell her anything?
Jerry: No.
George: Do you swear?
Jerry: I'm not swearing. I don't want to swear.
George: Come on, swear.
Jerry: No.
George: Oh, you told her didn't you?
Jerry: No.

George: This is for you.
Evie: Oh, Georgie, you bought this for me? Oh I knew you cared for me.
George: As you care for me. Which is why it is very important that you never breathe a word of this to anyone about the... you know. What, with Clarence Thomas and everything.
Evie: Okay, okay, can I open it now?
George: Yes, of course go ahead. My guess is you're going to like this very much.
Woman: Oh! Is that cashmere?
George: Of course it's cashmere.
Evie: A cashmere sweater. Oh, Georgie Porgie!
George: Just a little something for Christmas.
Evie: When I was a little girl in Panama, a rich American came to our town and he was wearing the softest most beautiful sweater. I said to him, "What do you call this most beautiful fabric?", and he said, "They call it cashmere". I repeated the word, "Cashmere, cashmere". And I asked if I could have it, and he said "No. Get away from me." Then he started walk away. But I grabbed onto his leg screaming for him to give me the sweater and he dragged me through the street. And then he kicked at me with the other foot and threw some change at me. Oh, but I didn't want the change, Georgie. I wanted the cashmere.
George: I had a feeling you would like it. No, don't try it on now, try it on later.
Evie: Wow, look at this. It feels so beautiful.
George: Take it off. You're going to ruin it.
Evie: [notices the dot] What's this?

Mr. Lippman: I'm going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?
George: Who said that?
Mr. Lippman: She did.
George: Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon... You know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you, people do that all the time.
Mr. Lippman: You're fired.
George: Well, you didn't have to say it like that.
Mr. Lippman: I want you out of here by the end of the day.
George: What about the whole Christmas spirit thing? Any flexibility there?
Mr. Lippman: Nah. Wait, wait, she wanted me to give you this.
[Mr. Lippman throws the cashmere sweater at George, which lands on his head]

Elaine: You had sex on your desk with the cleaning woman?
George: You never had sex in the office before?
Elaine: No, I once made out with someone but that was it.
George: All right, so you made out with someone.
Elaine: Well, that's not sex.
George: Kissing is sex.
Elaine: Kissing is not sex.

Elaine: What are you doing here?
Jerry: I'm taking the kid out to dinner to cheer him up.
Elaine: Hey, Jerry, when do you consider that sex has taken place?
Jerry: I would say when the nipple makes its first appearance.

Elaine: So, George told me that you left the drink next to Dick's on purpose.
Jerry: Nice try. So guess who heckled me at the club last night.
Dick: [crashing sound, o.s.] Merry Christmas.
Elaine: Oh, my God. That's Dick.
Jerry: Dick?
George: Dick?
Elaine: It's Cape Fear.

[As Dick walks over to George's desk, under which he, Jerry and Elaine are hiding, George holds out a hand with the cashmere sweater]
Dick: Is that cashmere?
George: Of course it's cashmere.
Dick: [notices the dot] What's this?