Elaine: Who was that?
Jerry: TV Elaine. She wants to get together and talk about the part.
Elaine: What about the dogs?
Jerry: They're having sex in the hotel room.

Sandi: So, the Elaine character is based on someone you know.
Jerry: Yes.
Sandi: And she's really your ex-girlfriend?
Jerry: Uh-huh, yeah.
Sandi: I want to get to know her from the inside. What is she like? Tell me about her.
Jerry: Well, she's fascinated with Greenland. She enjoys teasing animals, Banlon, and seeing people running for their lives. She loves throwing garbage out the window, yet she's extremely dainty.

Sandi: How would she eat a hamburger?
Jerry: With her hands.
Sandi: What about pasta?
Jerry: Also with her hands.
Sandi: Seriously, I want to experience everything she's experienced.
Jerry: Everything?
Sandi: Everything.
Jerry: All right she cuts her pasta with a knife.
Sandi: That's good. What's her favorite movie?
Jerry: Shaft.

Sandi: You got to get me a picture. What about sex?
Jerry: She likes talking during sex.
Sandi: Oh... dirty talking?
Jerry: No. Just chitchat, movies, current events, regular stuff. You know, Sandi-
Sandi: Elaine.
Jerry: What?
Sandi: Call me Elaine.
Jerry: All right. Elaine.
Sandi: How does Elaine kiss?
Jerry: Well--
Sandi: Does she kiss... like this? [kisses Jerry]
Jerry: Actually, she has a thing where she spirals her tongue around, it's like--
Sandi: Like this?
Jerry: I think you got it.

Mr. Visaki: What can I do for you? Would you like a table.
Elaine: No, I'd like to apply for a waitress job.
Mr. Visaki: Have you ever waited on tables before?
Elaine: Oh yeah. I've been a professional waitress for the last 10 years. I've worked all over the city. These, uh, are my references. I'm sure you'll find that I'm more than qualified.
Mr. Visaki: I don't think I need anyone else right now.
Elaine: You're in big trouble mister. And I mean trouble with a capital T. [exits]
Mr. Visaki: What? What did I do?

Elaine: Anyway, there's at least four of them, and they're all huge. And one is bigger than the next. It's like a Russ Meyer movie.
Fred: Who's Russ Meyer?
Elaine: Oh, he's this guy who made these terrible movies in the 70's with these kinds of women. He's obsessed. He's obsessed with breasts. That's hard to say.
Fred: Anyway, go on.
Elaine: Um... Well, there's not really much more to tell. He was looking for waitresses, and I went in to apply for the job. And, he looked me up and down and he rejected me.
Fred: Paul. Come in for a second. I want you to listen to this.
Paul: [to Elaine] Hi.
Elaine: Hi.
Fred: Paul, the woman here claims there's a restaurant on the West side that's only hiring large-breasted women.
Paul: Really?

George: Uh, excuse me. Excuse me. This- This is not right. May I? You see, you're going: "They fooled me Jerry!" You wanna hit fooled more. "They fooled me Jerry!". You see the difference?
Tom Pepper: I'm not gonna say it like that.
George: Just a suggestion. [chuckles]

Jerry: George? I don't have a lot of experience with this acting stuff. But from what I can gather, they're a little touchy about being told how to say the lines.
George: Why is that?
Jerry: I don't know, but they don't seem to like it.

George: So you think this guy playing Kramer took the raisins?
Jerry: Why would he steal a box of raisins?
George: Yeah, it's bizarre. [both look around them suspiciously]

Sandi: What's the matter?
Jerry: Nothing.
Sandi: You're acting weird. Is anything wrong?
Jerry: No.
Sandi: Are you breaking up with me?
Jerry: Are we going out?
Sandi: You're breaking up with me, aren't you? [close to tears]
Jerry: Do you want me to break up with you?
Sandi: If that's what you want.
Jerry: I don't even know what you're talking about.
Sandi: Okay, fine. Break up with me.
Jerry: All right. We're broken up.
Sandi: Can we still be friends?